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I'm sixteen years old but I have such a horribly stressful life. I've had Trich for sometime now, and it's sort of like a physical mood tracker. Trich used to be my main problem and I would fight to stop the OCD, but now I've moved to a new country and honestly I feel so lonely and depressed, my mother acts depressed, she doesn't work because she doesn't speak one of the main languages, so whenever she asks me how my day was it's always with this bitter tone like everything is about her. Basically because of how stressed out I am from school and trying to be "Perfect" I'm always stressed but I feel I manage it, my friends at school (Half i really don't like) don't even know me, they think I'm a hyper active silly half asian, when at home I'm this depressed machine that basically goes to my room and cries whenever I finish talking with my mum. I still hate Trich, but now I get so upset and depressed that I find physcially hurting myself makes it better. I'm not extreme, I find just pulling out my hair helps, one time when I was so upset I went to the point of scratching myself repeatedly in the same spot on my write till I bled. I'm terrible with pain, so it took awhile and I never really made it hurt much, but surprisingly it really did work. But don't worry, I'm never cutting myself again, the scar isn't going away and it's in such an plan obvious spot, I cover it with part of a bandage constantly because I fear if my parents find out they'll just give up, and my reputation at school will come crashing down.
All in all I'm sitting between my old self when I was younger and my newer self. I went from a tough nut who did sport 24/7 to a pathetic unfit art/music type who couldn't do a sit up for their life and cries a lot. I've tried so many things now to try make my feel better but right now the only thing making me feel better is by going to my old habbits which don't even scare me now until after I've done crying and I've got huge bold spots and bleeding nails. Grrreat. So now I'm just looking for all the suggestions I can. I can't get a dog, can't see a councellor, can't talk to my mum obviously, dad doesn't understand, he's the math type and also looks down on me because he thought I'd stop biting my nails at the age of 6 max. I can't get a dog even tho i fantasize about it almost every day when i feel sad, I don't know what to do.
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May 09, 2012, 11:48 PM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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