[Mike_J]

I am so sick of having to lie to people lately. Every time I go to the store checkout, or pass a coworker in the hallway they ask “How are you doing” I know I’m supposed to say “Fine, how are you?”

BUT I’M NOT FINE, I’M HORRIBLE, my life is falling apart, if I tell people the truth they just stand there stunned, unsure of what to say. I don’t want to dump my problems on other people especially strangers, but when your are just trying to be nice. But their attempt at a bit of pleasant “chit chat” just feels like one more person kicking me when I’m down.

Yes I’m VENTING, not sure what anyone can say to make this situation better.

[Rohag]

I'm not around people enough to get asked the "How are you?" question often. One thing I do when asked -- I don't remember where I learned this -- is not answer and pretend to check my pulse. I then look at them and say, "I'm fine." Of course, the subtext is that the "fine" is only a certain soundness of the body and nothing more.

I get some strange looks and the occasional laugh.

Go ahead and vent, friend Mike_J...

[pegasus]

Well people shouldn't ask unless they are willing to hear the answer! Go right ahead and vent!

I hear you, I get asked "How are you"? I always say, "I am fine" "or ok" When I feel like saying "I am feeling awful" But there is something holding me back from really saying how I feel, Vent away here Mike we're listening

[skyscraper]

I have the same problem too. Even though I don't go out unless I have too, at school sometimes I get asked, ''How are you?'' or ''How is everything?''. I always say I'm okay, but deep down, I'm not okay. I don't want to tell people how I really feel because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. And sometimes people just dig and dig and dig away at you to find out why you feel the way you feel.

Anyway, Tinkerbell is right. You can always vent here. Were always here if you ever need an ear.

[CgRgSm]

I 100% agree with Pegasus, don't ask if you don't want to know how I am REALLY doing. I rarely get asked anymore because yeah, I'm not around people that often (only at work), but when I do, I will say I am "ok" in that yes this crappy human body is chugging along just fine. I may be alive, but I am living dead inside.

[Hellion]

I know what you mean, I end up saying fine because either I don't want people to ask questions about what's wrong, but I do want to say 'horrible actually.' half the time.

[Cotton ball]

They are human pleasantries...nothing more or less. In all honesty they mean nothing.
I have found a smile and a head nod does the trick without even having to respond to someone who doesn't "really" care.

[Jstbloved]

Feel better about answering to people that you are FINE. You are technically not lying, they just don't know what FINE stands for. FINE stands for Feelings I'm Not Expressing. At least that is what someone told me, so when I am asked how I am feeling, usually I say Fine.

[roads]

Rohag, you have the response I've long sought! "Response" is what I've wanted for these people, because they don't really want my answer.
Thanks!

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Cotton ball

They are human pleasantries...nothing more or less. In all honesty they mean nothing.
I have found a smile and a head nod does the trick without even having to respond to someone who doesn't "really" care.

At that point I feel like I might as well not even respond...besides smiling takes ridiculous energy when you either feel numb, depressed or on edge and that's it...it seems those are the only ways I feel.

[Cotton ball]

Those who care act. Others do not! Do not waste your energy or love on "simple" pleasantries..
Actions always speak louder than words. Don't give your love away to those who do not deserve it...others will deserve it and be willing to give as well as take.
Ignore the human pleasantries..but do so with respect and courtesy...lol..if possible
Hugs,
Cotton

[eskielover]

I usually respond with "I'm surviving".....they have no idea how to respond.....so it doesn't matter because it really doesn't need a response....just a reply of some sort.

[The sphinx27]

Mike, I fell 100% the same way. Everyday at work I get asked how are you? I work around people all the time so I would bet I here it 5-10 times a day and. I think the same thing. I tell them I'm fine even though I'm dying on the inside. But will not burden them with my problems. There are probably two co workers that don't even bother asking me how I am. They know me well enough to know as soon as we make eye contact,they know how I'm doing. I can talk to them two some about my problems and some of how I feel but nowhere close to all of it. Just saying I feel the same as you

[octobahn]

The question is more or less rhetorical. They would think twice about it if you were to switch the topic or just say "Hi". Often I just repeat the question and go about my merry way. I know they're not looking for a response in their question, and I'm just returning pleasantries which mean nothing to me either.

[Jackapuss's Mama]

I just say, "Peachy keen!" About half take it as sarcasm and smile knowingly; the rest laugh, which gives me a little boost. (I'm a sucker for making others laugh even when I'm miserable.)
Hang in there!