[Soccer101]

I'm only 14 and all I want to do is kill myself. I feel as if no one cares about me and they all just hate me. I know I have all this life ahead of me but I'm losing all hope in my life. I have tried putting my thoughts in a journel, but it never works. I have hopes and dreams but I'm starting to give up on all life. Everynight and day I think about what my life could have been if I could change one thing, just one little thing. I want a husband, I want kids, I want to go to finish High School and go to college and teach kids but I'm starting to give up. The only time I feel calm is when I'm sleeping but even them I'm not calm. I dream about killing myself. I know this is long but its nice to be able to tell someone this cause its been bottled up inside for about 3 years now. And while I'm at school I feel like everyone is looking and making fun of me and all I want to do is die. I feel I'm not pretty enough or tall enough or skinny enough. I just want to die and be out of this world.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( Soccer101 ))))))))))))

[Leed]

PLEASE try to put those thoughts out of your mind. God put you here for a reason -- and God does NOT make junk!!! You ARE pretty enough and you ARE tall enough and you ARE skinny enough!!! You are FINE just the way you are!! And remember -- NOTHING ever stays the same. Things always change. It won't be like this forever.

No one is staring at you at school. It may seem like that to you, but believe me -- they AREN'T. I used to feel like that at times when I was in school too, because I was self-conscious. That was because I had low self-esteem. I felt like you do -- I didn't think I was "good enough." But I learned that I WAS. I was just as good as EVERYONE ELSE. NO ONE is better than you are!! You are JUST AS worthy as everyone else!! It doesn't matter if they have more money, or live in a better house -- that doesn't make one bit of difference!!! You are JUST AS GOOD. God made them just like YOU. He doesn't love them any more than He loves YOU.

Do you know what it would do to your parents if something happened to you? You may feel that no one cares about you but you're WRONG!!! Your parents would be DEVASTATED if something happened to you!!! And your friends would be too! NO ONE hates you! Being a teenager is a VERY difficult time. VERY difficult -- your body is making all kinds of changes, and hormones are doing some very strange things to you, and that includes changing your moods to extremes. It can be a very scary time for many teenagers. I know it was for me.

Why don't you talk to your school counselor? I KNOW he/she would be happy to talk to you. They are trained for this kind of thing. And it would be confidential, unless they think that you're in danger, i.e. like you're being abused at home or something. So please talk with one of them. YOu'll be glad you did. Or if your family can afford it, ask if you can go see a therapist. Just tell your Mom or Dad that you have some things that are bothering you and you need to talk to someone.

But please don't think of death anymore. These feelings will go away, I promise. You DO have a long life ahead of you, and it will be a GREAT one. Just take one day at a time, and try to enjoy your teenage years, even tho they can be a little scary at times. God bless and please keep posting -- we'll listen, ok? Take care. Hugs,, Lee