[CWC3]

I was trying to start writing a short paper due tomorrow for one of my college classes when I suddenly flashed to this really negative thought/memory, and then I just started getting a bunch of negative thoughts about myself. I started getting the feeling like I do before I get stuck in my head and start emotionally spiraling....

It usually doesn't end well :/. I don't self-harm physically, but emotionally I end up submitting to my thoughts and throwing myself off cliffs and into brick walls at full force. I'm afraid that I won't be able to control it again tonight, because fighting it is just too hard sometimes. I've decided to give myself a break and just be okay with not getting my paper done tonight since if I were to push forward I would 100% get stuck for sure... These feelings feed off my force that tries to push them out anyways.

I've been talking about self-compassion in T, but I really don't know what to actually DO at these moments to stop beating myself up, when I'm not 100% in control of the random thoughts sprinting throughout my head.

How do I gain control? I was hoping to get some suggestions so I know how to combat this better in the future. I don't like being scared of losing to my own thoughts :/.

Thanks,
--CHANGEwillcome

[kazukivonhimmel]

hmm, well im not a therapist, but have you tried maybe like, combatting those thoughts with affirmations? like each bad thought you get, immediately tell yourself the opposite? srry im not much help. I usually ride out the negative feelings for as long as it takes (months sometimes) but just stay positive as best as you can. (i know its hard) remember to smile to, I always forget how just doing one of those can be uplifting in its own right. xD

[addcolin]

Originally Posted by CWC3

I was trying to start writing a short paper due tomorrow for one of my college classes when I suddenly flashed to this really negative thought/memory, and then I just started getting a bunch of negative thoughts about myself. I started getting the feeling like I do before I get stuck in my head and start emotionally spiraling....

It usually doesn't end well :/. I don't self-harm physically, but emotionally I end up submitting to my thoughts and throwing myself off cliffs and into brick walls at full force. I'm afraid that I won't be able to control it again tonight, because fighting it is just too hard sometimes. I've decided to give myself a break and just be okay with not getting my paper done tonight since if I were to push forward I would 100% get stuck for sure... These feelings feed off my force that tries to push them out anyways.

I've been talking about self-compassion in T, but I really don't know what to actually DO at these moments to stop beating myself up, when I'm not 100% in control of the random thoughts sprinting throughout my head.

How do I gain control? I was hoping to get some suggestions so I know how to combat this better in the future. I don't like being scared of losing to my own thoughts :/.

Thanks,
--CHANGEwillcome

Yes, Last year was the last straw with this really scary cycle - found a T from internet nearby (and liked her person), been going a few months, and given an SSRI, Citalopram (Celexa).
This makes my mind 'noise' almost stop, and another layer come up. Felt anxious a long while, but slowly 'unwinding' (hopefully!)
After enduring the side effects (understanding them also), and stabilising the dose now finally at 30mg/d (7 months), I am feeling much more aware (also started CBT) of my 'self-sabotage.
I recognise this in your reaction to the writing of the short paper - I have this overwhelming self-attack also when applying for a job, even handing in a paper of any kind -what if???!!! and spiral negatively downhill, . . . .
Meds seem to be helping to slow this powerful 'habit', and the CBT is helping me become aware of the cause / effect cycle happening.
See if you can't get some help with this.

[S8712]

continue cbt..(((((hugs))))))

[dg1983]

What I do is try to not feel guilty about my feelings...if I feel like crap at that particular moment and can't seem to shake it, then that's how it will be for the moment. Also at one point my depression was affecting my studies that I needed to drop a semester to recover. If that's what you may need to do to then that's what you do. Sure school is important but your health matters more.

Reading this thread has been helpful for me...I have learned positive affirmations from my T. When my thoughts turn, I remind myself about my affirmations.

But sometimes it is as if it is too late for affirmations...I just feel awful and there isnt a lot I can do about it but feel miserable, sleep and tell myself that hopefully tomorrow will bring a brighter day. I try to let my sleep and my dreams restore me.

It is the physical manifestations that add difficulty...the feeling of sadness, exhaustion, apathy, headaches, stomach upset...the list goes on and on.

In college I was triggered terribly while doing an internship and volunteering for a family crisis organization. It sent me into a depression that made me ill. I had what the specialist referred to as chronic fatigue and he put me on bedrest. I had to resign from the amazing internship, resign from the volunteer work and take a break from school. I was so sick.

And how did my family react? My mother simply told me I was going to kill my father with what she considered was bs. That made me feel even worse.
Thankfully she is nowhere near my life anymore so she will never hurt me again. Isnt it just awful how some people just love kicking you when you are alone and down (rolling eyes).
I find great comfort here that others can relate, dont make me feel worse when i am feeling low, offer support and compassion. That in itself helps me when I am in a low place.

I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Rose