[nicoleb2]

I have been having a lot of SI urges lately, and I have SI'd a couple of times. that itself is bad enough, but now tonight, I am having a lot of suicidal thoughts. Right now, they are just thoughts, but things are getting really tough and frustrating.
I don't want to end up in the hospital again! I have to make these thoughts stop, right now!

[Leed]

Hi Nicole! Please try to erase those thoughts from your mind. Try to fill your mind with other thoughts -- anything, but make sure it's GOOD.

I think I've told you before that Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem! Things never stay the same sweetie. Things are always changing, so the way you feel right now is NOT going to stay the same. The circumstances that you're in right now, will NOT stay the same. NOTHING stays the same, ever.

And you cannot harm yourself anymore hon. You are a vital part of this world. God didn't put you here just to take up space!! God put you here for a reason -- you just haven't taken the time to figure out what that reason is yet. We ALL have to find our own reason for being here! We're not just a "blob" on the face of the earth. We are NOT an accident. We are here intentionally! We have meaning - and worth.
YOU have meaning & worth! If you're gone, this world has lost value! Hasn't anyone ever told you that? If not, that's too bad, because it's TRUE.

You have GOT to find your reason for being here. Decide what you're good at or what you're interested in. Figure out even "kind of" what interests you. You don't have to be an "artist" or a master at anything. Perhaps you're good with children, or the elderly. Perhaps you're good with animals, or plants, or helping people online. Maybe you'd be good on a crisis hot line? Who knows? Just think about it, but YOU HAVE VALUE. Don't ever question that. And DON'T think about suicide -- you just have a temporary problem. It WILL go away, honey. i promise.

God bless and please keep us posted, ok? We'll be here. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

Nicole,

Try hard to focus on the here and now. This very second as you read this post. You need to take a few slow, deep breaths. Close your eyes if necessary. Imagine a place that brings you an enormous sense of peacefulness.

In the cornfields, hearing the wind ruffle the leaves and tassels. A dog softly barking off in the distance. The sunshine feels good. It's not hot, nor is it cold. It feels good. You hear orioles and cardinals chirping somewhat nearby ~ a relaxing chatter. The air smells good. It smells fresh and kind of sweet. Take that image as far as you want to take it. Like, walk down the dirt road, to a stream. The water initially feels cold, but it feels really good to step into! Etc...

Come up with images like these whenever you're feeling real overwhelmed with dark emotions. It will calm you down a bit. Write about how you felt & what you did to relieve those intense emotions. What else has worked for you? Talking with others? Calling your T? Making an appointment to see him/her sooner? Write these things down for you to refer to when you find yourself kicking again. You aren't doing nothing ~ you're trying hard. Maybe you just need to make a small change or two.

Gentle hugs to you Please try it!