Used to it, but suddenly it's catching up to me

I've been dealing with depression for a long time now, probably around 10-11 (25 now). I've never been to a doctor about it. Dad never believed in "brain docs", and could never afford one once I got older. Majority of the time I can deal, but every now and again., it comes and kicks my ***. Within the past few days, it's done just that. Me and my fiance (or ex, not quite sure) have been fighting like crazy. He kicked me out last night. Or thus morning, rather, at 3am, pouring rain. Few days ago, I took a chance and told him how I'm feeling. Biggest mistake ever. All we do is fight. Last night he took my ring and tossed it, then threatened to call the cops. Couple days ago my grandmother was admitted to the hospital. She's been having problems lately. Now they may be over. She was the only one in my family to get me. She'd know when i was upset, and would actually listen. But she lives in MO I live in FL, so I haven't seen her since I've been getting depressed. Work has been dangling a promotion (that they don't intend to give) over my head. Long story short, when it rains it pours. Not quite sure how to keep going. I'm the kind of person to expect the worse and hope for the best. I've run out of hope. Guess I just wanted someone to listen, even though they may not care. At least I don't see pity faces and no response. Thank you.

Why not find a Dr now ? They can help and you are still so young and deserve a future.

Hello tatteredntorn.....So sorry you're hurting, but glad you're joined us here. Thanks for posting a little about yourself. First off, just want to correct a little something, because we DO care. I know when you're depressed you may be incapable of believing that, but I'm hoping maybe you can take a leap of faith and trust me on that, even though you don't know me. Next...So sorry about the situation with your fiance....that's really tough. I'm just assuming that you're wanting honest feedback from people, and of course you can always throw out ~disregard whatever you wish. Ok, may sound blunt, but if you can't even be honest with him about how you're feeling, how could you possibly spend your life with this person? Of course nothing is completely simple and one sided, but just from your words, sounds rather discouraging. I have been suffering from depression for my entire life, and know a bit about problems with relationships. A couple of months ago my "bff" completely ended our friendship because she just couldn't deal with my mood disorder. I feel truly sad for you, but especially if this is someone who will be spending every day with you, he needs to be caring and supportive.....you deserve that. And to echo jlmass's question, why not find a doctor and ~or therapist now? especially when facing some major life changes, I'd hate to think of you out there on your own. Best Wishes to you.....