I was super depressed when I got to my T last night. I was totally numb and disconnected. I didn't realize how bad I appeared or was sounding.

I had to agree to promise not to S and sign a safety contract which is in force until our next appointment in less than a week.

In addition: I had to agree to several conditions by which to keep myself safe and healthy:

1. Eat 3 meals a day (I really didn't notice it but I haven't been eating much). We compromised though. I promised to drink 2 Ensures for lunch in lieu of eating (chewing).
2. Keep a grateful journal (write 2 things I am grateful for every night before I go to bed)
3. Go to work everyday (no matter how tired / depressed I am. Show up)
4. Text / Call Her if I need to (do not hesitate)

I feel horrible. This is the first time in my life that I've been this miserable, in front of another human being, that actually cared about my well-being.

I don't know what to think. I'm just on auto-pilot right now.

[carrie_ann]

((((Rose)))) ... it's good you've got such a caring T ... hang in there

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Rose )))))))))))))))

[whimsygirl]

I'm so sorry about how bad you're feeling Rose. I'll be holding you in my heart

[CastlesInTheAir]

awwww you have a great T....... hugs

[Big Mama]

Rose thank God you have a T that cares about you. You know we all care about you and want what is best for you. Take care of your self. I'll say an extra prayer tonight for you.

[depressedalaskan]

((((Rose)))) Dang depression. So sorry you are feeling so depressed. I have so been where you are. So glad to hear that you have a therapist that is working so close to you. Do your best to do what your therapist is telling you. Keep her number very handy.

When I was so down I carried my therapist business card in my pocket with other numbers on the back that I may call. I am alone here so I added to the list a local hotline, therapist office, hospital number and the national SI hotline. I know how depression can be. It is very important that you take care of yourself first when it comes for you. If it is possible do not be totaly alone.

Things that might help:
Yes, eat - I eat quaker bars - very important

Yes - work if you can - important to get up and out

If you are on meds - try to take them on time - important to see if they are helping

Exercise - this can be anything - walk around a room for 1 minute - you can go up from there.

Keep up the fight, depression can be controlled.

[layla11]

Rose, I know you are feeling bad. Try to rest when you can. I was also in very bad shape and it is getting better.

[notablackbarbie]

(((Rose)))