[littlelady1560]

So I once again approached my mother about my issues and now she is saying that she's stressed and I am putting more stress on her. She makes it sound like I'm ruining her life with my problems and I don't even know what to do about it. I just want to be able to talk to her about it but every time it just turns into how I make everything difficult for the family and it just sucks. Why is it that every time I try and talk to her about it the end result is me sitting there while she yells at me and me just nodding my head because there is nothing more I can do. I'm afraid my depression is ruining my relationship with my family and the only solution I see is just to no longer bring it to their attention....

[Leed]

Sometimes that's all you can do, and the best solution is to talk to a therapist. That's what i did. if I tried to talk to my Mom about it, she just pooh-poohed everything, making light of the whole thing. Well, it wasn't "light" to me!!! To me, it was a big deal and it messed up my life! Liviing at home was horrible, and my other 3 sisters alll have severe depression too, so it's not just me.

Therapy was the best thing for me because I was validated and I knew it wasn't all in my head! My therapist let me know that I had a reason to be depressed, and that my home life WAS horrendous. That's what I needed --- validation! Plus I had a lot of "garbage" to get rid of too.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of yourself! Hugs, Lee

Just like to echo what Leed said about therapy, it's something that has helped many of us (I'm happy to say I'm one). Therapists are trained to help us deal with situations we have trouble with and there should be no shame in consulting one - having said that I was originally reluctant myself (I think I was scared, scared that it meant I was mad, that I wasn't coping - all nonsense of course). It took a friend to persuade me to seek therapy, it was one of the best things I ever did. A therapist is neutral, they won't blame you or confuse things further with their own issues (like even the most loving well meaning family can unintentionally do), they can also help you with communication issues.

In the meantime one little gem of advice my therapist gave me which I find useful and you may possibly too - separate your family members 'stuff' from yours. You can't change how your mother (or anyone else) is but what you can change is your reaction to her, you can still love her but let the line be drawn, this is your life and your decision, it's very likely taking control of it will be a good step towards feeling better.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

good luck..

i know what it's like talking to mom about things- mine's totally un accepting of my mental illness, and rather i kept myself to myself.

hugs!

[CgRgSm]

I can relate to your situation... when I talk to my mom about how I really feel she just doesn't get it either. Mine will try to justify anything I say, its like I say one thing and she just hears another in her mind. What I want to say is that you must realize that everyone has problems of their own too, and they may not know how to react to the situation at hand.

[Bark]

I don't feel like I can talk to my mother about things. For instance, the last year or so of high school was horrible, and I feel like she never really understood that. I talk to a counsellor about my problems, and pretty much leave my mother thinking I'm perfectly fine.

[jelly-bean]

I'm sorry that your mom isn't more understanding when you try to tell her your issues. From the way you described her response, i wonder if she doesn't have issues of her own. Maybe hearing about your issues makes her think of her own and she doesn't want to admit she has any. Just a thought. Good Luck!

[Turtleboy]

my mom doesnt want to hear about my problems, when she first heard she made a point of telling me it was not her fault and that if i get a dog everything will work it self out.....i know right...so we dont speak of it

Hi ((((LL)))), I can completely relate Similar to the other members, I encourage you to find a safe haven to speak about your feelings. Perhaps a T that is neutral and will validate your feelings and help guide you.

Sometimes our family members are "too close" or have issues of their own so they cannot help us...it's so important for your health and well-being that you find someone IRL that you can speak with.

Also, please keep posting here and let us know how you are doing. There are lovely people here, lots that can relate and will provide another supportive place for you to express your feelings.

Rose