[Hellion]

Is how I'm feeling, not sure why I am even bothering posting about it. But yeah too useless to function within this society and too useless to function outside of it, it seems. I mostly just cause problems and frustration for others, maybe no one wants to say that but I certainly feel like more than a burden then someone people want to have around(doesn't matter if they even really think that or not I still feel like that is what everyone thinks and I also think I am more of a burden than anything. I don't really see what anyone would like about me.

I fail at life in general, am too 'mental' to function in a work place, I would be more of a liability. So its hard to see what the point of going on is...not to mention being in misery and pain most of the time its not even just limited to psychological pain I have physical symptoms to. And there I go with a lengthy overly complex post that's hard to give feedback on due to my inability to simplify things...it would probably work just as well if not better if I just said 'I'm really depressed.'

[Leed]

Dear dear Hellion ! You're just being too hard on yourself! When we feel awful, we also feel that everybody in the world things we're useless. Well, that's' NOT the case! We don't think anything of the kind! You are a VITAL part of society, and you offer viewpoints & help here -- you are VERY useful! Why would you think you weren't? I know -- it's cause you feel like puke. When I get to feeling crummy, I feel like doggy doo-doo too.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Things aren't that bad. They really aren't. And you're saying -- How the heck does SHE know!!! Cause I've BEEN there. And I was there for a LOT OF YEARS before I got treatment.

You'll have to forgive me cause I have CRS, but are you in therapy? ARe you on meds? If not, it's time. it time to get at LEAST on meds, and it you can't take meds, then get into therapy. This depression is serious, believe me. You just can't live like this. You CAN'T.

God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Leed

Dear dear Hellion ! You're just being too hard on yourself! When we feel awful, we also feel that everybody in the world things we're useless. Well, that's' NOT the case! We don't think anything of the kind! You are a VITAL part of society, and you offer viewpoints & help here -- you are VERY useful! Why would you think you weren't? I know -- it's cause you feel like puke. When I get to feeling crummy, I feel like doggy doo-doo too.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Things aren't that bad. They really aren't. And you're saying -- How the heck does SHE know!!! Cause I've BEEN there. And I was there for a LOT OF YEARS before I got treatment.

You'll have to forgive me cause I have CRS, but are you in therapy? ARe you on meds? If not, it's time. it time to get at LEAST on meds, and it you can't take meds, then get into therapy. This depression is serious, believe me. You just can't live like this. You CAN'T.

God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

Well I don't think I am just being hard on myself, I seriously cannot function well enough for a job...and am in the process of applying for SSI. I wish it was just me being too hard on myself but I cannot really deny my symptoms really do interfere with my ability to function.

And not to be a downer, but this society disturbs me...and if by vital part you mean punching bag I could see it, since I grew up as the 'different' person at school that everyone hated and thus directed their bullying towards. It seems the attitudes that contribute to that do not in fact 'go away' after school its the same thing in the adult world to it seems. And I feel things are really that bad.....I mean basically my options are get on SSI or hit the streets I suppose it could be worse.

And I think I am useless because I don't do anything that's any help to anyone, all I do is cause problems with my stupid mental issues....by taking things personally, not getting things, freaking out when my ptsd symptoms get set off its just hopeless.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist or whatever...but yeah no meds or therapy, I tried prozac and that only made me feel even worse so I think I will steer clear of SSRIs. Thanks though for your imput...sorry if I seem like I am arguing with it or being stubborn or whatever, just not feeling very optimistic.

[Leed]

Ya know, Prozac isn't the ONLY antidepressant, my friend. How about Cymbalta? That only takes 2=3 weeks to begin working, and it even has pain relief properties in it. That might work for you. I haven't had ANY side effects from it. I've been on it quite awhile now -- iin fact I'm on the maximum doseage, which is 65mg twice a day, or 130mg.

Don't think that society doesn't disturb ME too! And I was always different in school. I never had any friends -- I was too "weird" I guess, and I isolated" too much. I was shy too. Which brings us to adulthood and I have no friends NOW either. I can't work now, but that's cause I'm disabled. I did work til I was 44 yrs old. And I'm thin-skinned. I tend to take things personally too, and get my feelings hurt easily. I'm NOT telling you this to make you feel better. I was in therapy for YEARS off and on. I had lots of issues to take care of. LOTS. I was sexually molested, and my therapist didn't even believe me cause I couldn't remember when it happened!!! Ummm, maybe trauma had something to do with that?? sheeesh.

So I've had my problems and Ii don't feel particularly "worthy" of what I have. I guess that's what I mean. I don't know. But I'm better than I used to be and I'm not as depressed as I used to be by a long shot! Give the meds another try --- please? You WILL feel better. There's all KINDS of them out there, and there might just be one that will work for you. God bless & PLEASE take care. Hugs, Lee

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Leed

Ya know, Prozac isn't the ONLY antidepressant, my friend. How about Cymbalta? That only takes 2=3 weeks to begin working, and it even has pain relief properties in it. That might work for you. I haven't had ANY side effects from it. I've been on it quite awhile now -- iin fact I'm on the maximum doseage, which is 65mg twice a day, or 130mg.

Don't think that society doesn't disturb ME too! And I was always different in school. I never had any friends -- I was too "weird" I guess, and I isolated" too much. I was shy too. Which brings us to adulthood and I have no friends NOW either. I can't work now, but that's cause I'm disabled. I did work til I was 44 yrs old. And I'm thin-skinned. I tend to take things personally too, and get my feelings hurt easily. I'm NOT telling you this to make you feel better. I was in therapy for YEARS off and on. I had lots of issues to take care of. LOTS. I was sexually molested, and my therapist didn't even believe me cause I couldn't remember when it happened!!! Ummm, maybe trauma had something to do with that?? sheeesh.

So I've had my problems and Ii don't feel particularly "worthy" of what I have. I guess that's what I mean. I don't know. But I'm better than I used to be and I'm not as depressed as I used to be by a long shot! Give the meds another try --- please? You WILL feel better. There's all KINDS of them out there, and there might just be one that will work for you. God bless & PLEASE take care. Hugs, Lee

If its not an SSRI I would consider it, but its kind of up to whatever the doctors want to prescribe me so not sure they would offer that as an option. But yeah I have a feeling a drug that just puts more serotonin in my brain cannot really solve the issues i have. Then I just get hyped up on serotonin and anxiety at the same time at least that's what it seemed happened with the prozac.

But yeah I'm trying to keep it together as best as I can, until that appointment I have...and then maybe I can see what options there are for therapies and maybe alternative medications to SSRIs I will tell them what happened with the prozac and also I recently got hydroxyzine prescribed for anxiety which I found to be pretty ineffective....its basically an anti-histamine with sedating properties, but that does not make up for the other anti-histamine effects I find unpleasant such as disassociation feelings and it seemed to increase the excessive aches and pains I have from being so tense all the time it was almost like instead of relaxing me, it just made me feel exausted and out of it. But maybe they could find something that would actually help and not cause more issues.

And I guess I shouldn't beat myself up for having to apply for SSI, I just seem to have internalized so much crap..I kinda grew up with people downplaying the real struggles I had with phrases like 'you're just not trying hard enough.' 'you're just lazy.' 'you just don't want to do that.' 'you're blowing it out of proportion and dwelling on it.' 'quit complaining.' 'that's just an over-exaggeration.' So I guess I feel guilty when I try to acknowledge my problems and do what I need to do which for the time being is apply for SSI and make that appointment. Even more recently on a support site I got told how I am just such a victim followed with quite a bit of unwarranted criticizms...so it also seems like even when I do make a little progress with confronting some of my problems and realizing maybe I am not so worthless and start building a little confidence. I still get shot down as being negative, dwelling on things having a 'victim' mentality and that sort of thing which makes it even more non-existent than it was to start with.

[Leed]

Whoever said anything to you about playing a 'VICTIM" was out of their stinking mind! They sure weren't reading your post clearly! You are so FAR from a 'victim' mentality it's not funny! You've struggled your butt off, so damn them that makes me mad!!

I can't stand it when people judge others when they haven't got a clue what someone has gone thru. I wish they could just be in your shoes for 24 hours and see what it's like. Man, they'd be in the loony bin in no time flat -- no way could they handle what we go thru. We got more strength that 10 people because we've always been like this. LOL

I'm sorry you were judged. YOu won't be here -- at least I surely HOPE not. if you ever were, I would hope the idiot would get banned! Hugs, Lee

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Leed

Whoever said anything to you about playing a 'VICTIM" was out of their stinking mind! They sure weren't reading your post clearly! You are so FAR from a 'victim' mentality it's not funny! You've struggled your butt off, so damn them that makes me mad!!

I can't stand it when people judge others when they haven't got a clue what someone has gone thru. I wish they could just be in your shoes for 24 hours and see what it's like. Man, they'd be in the loony bin in no time flat -- no way could they handle what we go thru. We got more strength that 10 people because we've always been like this. LOL

I'm sorry you were judged. YOu won't be here -- at least I surely HOPE not. if you ever were, I would hope the idiot would get banned! Hugs, Lee

Yeah its just frusterating, and I have an issue with internalizing things..so I end up believing it even though I know from a logical perspective I've been trying pretty damn hard just to get through life...so people that say that kind of thing don't know what they're talking about......I just wish it didn't get to me so much.