Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Sep 29, 2012, 10:43 PM
Shereychi Shereychi is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
I have multiple moods or personalities
a great deal amount of depression at some times and I accepted my ugliness
often blaming it to my errors.

I do have some control over it...
By doing things I like...

I cosplay, and props making became my job.
I earn depends on how much time I give to it.
I exhaust all my mental, physical energy and even if I have a personality change or mood swing they seemed to coordinate rather than ruin what I do.
telling me that " We can do this, just a little bit More"

Though the feeling of ugliness is still in me, my depressions of the past still lingers inside me, but through this I can control it.

Well that`s good until my parents sent me to work at a hotel... I am not really fit here I guess where no passion and sometimes the guest are saying painful things... I can`t help but to blame my own imperfection.

I do want to go on doing what I want though I can`t allow myself to disobey.

I have friends, I gained from cosplaying. I have one friend during Highshool as well he`s my best friend but well he`s studying now. <I`m an undergrad. btw> my family wasn`t able to provide me with the financial needs...
I accepted that. knowing that taking engineering and arts will be a pain in the pocket.

I will always try to understand them for the best of my efforts.

then someone asked me
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM

I wasn`t able to answer them at once
then all sort of things came inside me.

1 I wanna Die
2 I want to have an apprentice
3 I want to adopt a son for I won`t allow myself to pass on my imperfection to the next generation...

I want to adopt a child and assure that he will never end up to be one like me. Even now that`s always been my ideals...

I will try to change that kid`s life and one day that kid will be able to do all sort of things, things I`m not capable of... and that kid will be able to choose
what he wanted and there he`ll prosper... he will be the source of my happiness and then I`ll be glad to leave this place.

that`s what I said.

I always wanted to do what is right as well. Trying to reach perfection so that my imperfections will be veiled and I`ll be accepted.
I want to make people happy and I won`t allow them to walk the path I`ve endured. Who`s broken, bullied, and succumbed to blaming his errors which I can`t deny anymore.

That made me live on... without this I guess I would`ve killed myself long ago
What keeps me alive now is the ideals
And this very Ideals control me.

Now I am very depressed but before I left I had many friends
We created a group
they are a nice bunch, some are suffering as I do and in a way or two related to mine... that`s why we understood each other...
We raised funds for the flooded people in the Philippines which we are in.
they helped, we helped...

at least to ease their pain...

I`ve been happy and proud even though my mood swing prevents me from being happy for long... I was happy.

I do not know why I am here in the hotel... why I still stay... but I believe I need to endure everything...
In this distant Island there might be an answer I think... I will stay here as long as I can... and meet my friends...

My friends
My Passion
My Ideals

Controls my urges and keeps my alive.
Hugs from:
alone in the world

advertisement
Reply
Views: 313

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:06 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.