[zombiette]

i've been good for the last couple of months but over the past week i haven't been feeling that well. i saw my T tuesday and she thought that i would be under a lot of stress atm b/c i've just moved flats (the girls in the first place were horrible to me) and i'm the holidays in a few weeks but in the holidays i'm going back home to visit family which means i hafta deal with my mother and i just can't stand her. she is bi-polar and refuses to seek help at all and i know it's an illness but she will not make an effort to do anything about it. and i just don't wanna see her again b/c i had sooo many probs as a teenager and i'm doing a good job of putting it all behind me and i just don't wanna go back and sleep in the room where i lay as a 15year old contemplating suicide and self-harming and writing morbid poems about death. i wish i had grown up in a different family with a mother who could have been there for me. i wish i could just put it all behind me and not have to work at keeping my depression at bay. just today i was thinking i hate this whole planet, this whole world b/c it just keeps screwing me over when i try so hard. i wish my spaceship would come and collect me and take to another galaxy, b/c this one is just too cruel and furstrating...sorry to rant, just having a bad day

[(JD)]

(((hugs)))) Your T thinks you are in for a tougher time than normal, please hold onto those thoughts, and that this will end, these worse feelings will pass...and stay safe. TC of yourself during this time.

i'm sorry that you are dreading your visit. i, too, used to dread visits home. i hope that that you can take care of yourself and stay grounded. love, pat