[ThisSmileisntReal]

Yesterday was Sweetest Day and despite my boyfriend's kind efforts with affection and small gifts such as flowers and a card, I kept having this nagging feeling of sadness throughout the day. I felt terrible because I wanted this day to be near perfect as many of my days with him are.. But I couldnt even bring myself to fully enjoy myself. At one point, I even found myself on the verge of breaking down upon the porch after he walked me home. It happened so unexpectedly that I felt so confused and irritated, angry at myself for what was happening. I was ruining our time because of my random sadness and reappearing tears. He held me and comforted me through this but I couldnt stop feeling utterly alone within this pain that I could understand or reach.... Why do I have this tight lump in my throat or this overwhelming urge to simply hide within the darkness of my own room? Why cant I tell him or the people who supposedly care that I feel so depressed and that its scaring me because I cant find the source... I am so tired of getting sick because I am spending the night crying so hard... I am tired of suffering and wish I could give my boyfriend the happiness he deserves

[Leed]

Sweetie, are you seeing a therapist? The only way you're going to get to the core of this horrible sadness it by seeing a therapist who will help you get to the root of it, and learn to cope with it. If you don't you'll continue to have these terrible feelings of sadness where you don't know what's wrong. So can you talk to your medical doctor and have him refer you to a good therapist? He will know who you should go to. Then you can make an appt. to get in as soon as possible. Sometimes the wait is quite awhile, so the sooner you can call the better.

I do hope you will try therapy. You can't go to just a few sessions and think it will help. You've got to go quite awhile before you see any improvement. I've been thru therapy and it was the best think I've ever done for myself. I hope you'll do it. God bless, and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[ThisSmileisntReal]

I am afraid to see a therapist for I can barely confide in my family or friends so speaking with a stranger of all these feelings and thoughts that I keep to myself will be difficult... I dont how to go about doing this...