[marvelousbedlam]

Starting about a week ago i started to feel blah after months of being happy and problem free. Super tired i stayed home wednesday and slept in. I woke up very refreshed and energized so i assumed i simply needed sleep. Friday night i got pissed with bf and then again later with my mom. Both are normal and once im over it then its left in the past forgotten. Saturday i became pretty down and depressed which only increased sunday. For the first time ever i had started thinking about hurting myself. I do burn but just for the bliss it brings me. I had never thought about suicide and i still dont but i do feel like hurting myself and self medicating. I know i shouldnt and i dont feel i would do anything but the thought alone scares me. My sleep is certianly messed up and this morning i couldnt bring myself to go to school even though i have a very important test. I dont want to go tomorrow or any other day. I love my school and really want to finish so this isnt like me. Even when something makes me smile i just start crying for no reason and im not big on crying. I have an appointment with my T next monday but wonder if i should go see her as soon as i can. Im use to depression but this is different and a little frightening. I really just needed to get that off my chest but any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[shortandcute]

lots of hugs

[depressedalaskan]

Advice is hard to give as our illness treats us all different. I can say if this was happening to me I would go into my Therapist early. When depression starts sucking me deeper and deeper into the darkness it gets harder and harder for me to ask for help. Not sure why but it is like depression is stopping me from asking. I guess it is just another way depression can control us.