[ddowner]

I have had depression a long time, but it has been a real rollercoaster for me over the last month or so. I'm trying so hard to treat it without medication. I have certain triggers that I am about to be rid of soon, so I'm trying to see if that will improve things. I had an anxiety attack the other day while I was alone and it was scary because I couldn't breathe or stop crying. I cried most of the day. I'm talking about my condition more with people, but sometimes I think that all this talking is actually making me feel worse. I have a friend who is an alcoholic and I think we might be getting codependent on eachother in trying to help the other one through their illness. But, honestly, I love that someone else is as messed up as me and can relate to me so I don't feel crazy and alone.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by ddowner

I have had depression a long time, but it has been a real rollercoaster for me over the last month or so. I'm trying so hard to treat it without medication. I have certain triggers that I am about to be rid of soon, so I'm trying to see if that will improve things. I had an anxiety attack the other day while I was alone and it was scary because I couldn't breathe or stop crying. I cried most of the day. I'm talking about my condition more with people, but sometimes I think that all this talking is actually making me feel worse. I have a friend who is an alcoholic and I think we might be getting codependent on eachother in trying to help the other one through their illness. But, honestly, I love that someone else is as messed up as me and can relate to me so I don't feel crazy and alone.

Welcome to PC! Hope you will feel comfortable here at PC to let off steam and support from others here at PC. Take care.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by ddowner

I'm trying so hard to treat it without medication. I have certain triggers that I am about to be rid of soon, so I'm trying to see if that will improve things.

I like your approach! Once those triggers are gone, you can reassess the struggle. Triggers exist for which no med can compensate...

Of all the things about depression, I hate the roller coaster. I can adjust to being down all the time...or up or just middle of the road. But its fricking exhausting on the roller coaster.

[ddowner]

Yes.. I hate being happy one day and then instantly being depressed over something or anxious. All it takes is this one trigger and my mood immediately darkens. That's not who I am or want to be. I am literally dying just to be normal mentally, but I hope it's not too late. Depression and anxiety run rampant in my family.

[GreyThinker]

Originally Posted by SpiritOfAStorm

Of all the things about depression, I hate the roller coaster. I can adjust to being down all the time...or up or just middle of the road. But its fricking exhausting on the roller coaster.

Yeah, it's the worst! sometimes it makes me want to avoid the highs because I know there will be a low next. Seems silly to say that I try to keep myself on a level low, but that is the truth. I know that this means that I probably miss out on happinesses, but I am not sure they are worth it.

[ddowner]

Originally Posted by GreyThinker

Yeah, it's the worst! sometimes it makes me want to avoid the highs because I know there will be a low next. Seems silly to say that I try to keep myself on a level low, but that is the truth. I know that this means that I probably miss out on happinesses, but I am not sure they are worth it.

That's how I feel about having good things happen to me and daring to think positively.. because I know, from experience, that bad things immediately and always follow behind it. I get called negative a lot because of that, but it's the truth. I don't want to stay on a low level because I'm not fun to be around, but I can't be alone all the time since that makes things worse.

[RomanSunburn]

I hate the roller coaster too... I become afraid to make plans because I don't want to back out, cancel, or just plain not show up when the lows come back to get me. It makes things very stressful and lonely...

[GreyThinker]

Hugs all round!! seems we are all in the same boat....