[doggiedo]

Idk why I'm writing this. I hung out with my bf for an hour last night and Idk if I'm getting what I need from the relationship. I'm not going to see him for another week and it makes me sad.

I was thinking of going for a hike or to a museum on Saturday. Both would be all day events, and something i've wanted to do for quite some time. Idk which one to pick tho. I'm thinking the hiking one b/c I can do the museum when it's colder out.

I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to really do anything - doing something on Saturday will be a big feat for me. I feel worthless and bored with my life.

Today I made a goal of going to the grocery store during lunch time (I work during the day) and then washing my car, which has been on the list of things to do forever.

I am applying for new jobs, some which are out of the country. Mainly b/c I feel like I need a change. I'm broke and need a second job, but am too lazy to get one. I want a house, but can't afford one. My parents, I love and get annoyed easily at the same time. I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to. Idk if I should even continue to be in the relationship I am currently in. I do volunteer as a big sister and we are hanging out on Sunday. It will be fun for her.

My counselor says I jsut need to find something I love to do and enjoy my life. I'm thinking too much about things and I need to be comfortable just "being" and existing. I feel like life is such a waste on me, though. I don't feel much of anything lately - other than just sad, lonely and down. I do feel like a loser when I ask my bf to hang and he's too busy with training or work or something. I feel like noone loves me.

[Snowy83]

Just want to say I feel what you are feeling everyday.

[doggiedo]

aw, I'm sorry Snowy - so what are you doing to try and get better? That's the part where I am stuck.

[Leed]

It sure sounds like you're TRYING to get out of the dumps!! I applaud you for that. And I REALLY give you Kudos for being a Big Sister!!! That is a wonderful thing to do, and that little girl I'm SURE loves you! To you, you are the sister she never had, or perhaps even the Mother she never had. You may never know the effect you have had on her life. In years to come, you will be in her heart -- and you just may have turned her life around. What a wonderful thing to do! Gosh, I'm proud of you!! I don't know HOW you can call yourself worthless with what you are doing. Just by being a Big Sister, you're changing a life. That in itself is mind-boggling. You are CERTAINLY NOT worthless!!!

Maybe you ARE thinking too much about things. Sometimes we over analyze our lives, and compare -- we can't do that. We are who we are, and that's good enough! We can't compare because we aren't 'those' people or in 'those' circumstances, and we never will be. What we are and who we are is good enough! WE are good enough. If we don't like our jobs, sure we can change that, but are we sure we'll like that one? We must be sure that a change of environment is going to do it. Or is it US that has to change? Maybe we really are just as happy where we are, rather than moving from place to place. Usually when you look for happiness you find it in your own backyard. (old saying I know, but true).

Whatever you decide I wish you ALL the best. God bless & love you. Hugs, Lee

[doggiedo]

Thanks for the help and support. I actually hung out with my little sister did when she got in the car was show me a picture of the boy she liked (she had a pix on her phone). It's so cute. She's getting the attitude of a teenager which is a little frustrating, but cute at the same time. She's too cool to do certain things, but you can see how happy she is once she does it.

Anyhow, she friended me on FBook, which is cool, since I am good about my posts (I have nothing to worry about) and we ARE friends. Although, she said something really sad today - she posted that she needs someone to go Trick or Treating with tomorrow. I guess she doesn't have anyone - sad or what? Makes me want to jump in and say yes - I'll go with you. But she doesn't want dorky old me to go. I'll give it some time to see if her friends pipe in. I think she has a hard time making friends. Idk. So sad though.