[CreativeTeardrop]

I've let everyone down. Family expected so much of me and I've just let them down. Couldn't stay in school because it got too hard to cope, I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight and in the end I couldn't force myself to go anymore. Ended up getting home schooling instead. Failed everything from then on. Everyone I know is at college while I can hardly leave the house.. Though I want to so much. I have a lot I want to do, just no motivation and I'm scared.

I find it hard to talk about certain things, though sometimes things like 'What are you doing tomorrow then?' will instantly make me feel horrible and I cut the person off. As much as I wanna talk about things I can't because the words just don't come out. Cry almost every night and feel so horrible, my mind is everywhere. Every day just gets worse and I hate how much I've let my mum down. She sounds so disappointed in me, but I don't blame her. I'm a waste of space, a mess.
I hate myself for being like this. I just want to make my mum proud of me.

Originally Posted by CreativeTeardrop

I've let everyone down. Family expected so much of me and I've just let them down. Couldn't stay in school because it got too hard to cope, I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight and in the end I couldn't force myself to go anymore. Ended up getting home schooling instead. Failed everything from then on. Everyone I know is at college while I can hardly leave the house.. Though I want to so much. I have a lot I want to do, just no motivation and I'm scared.

I find it hard to talk about certain things, though sometimes things like 'What are you doing tomorrow then?' will instantly make me feel horrible and I cut the person off. As much as I wanna talk about things I can't because the words just don't come out. Cry almost every night and feel so horrible, my mind is everywhere. Every day just gets worse and I hate how much I've let my mum down. She sounds so disappointed in me, but I don't blame her. I'm a waste of space, a mess.
I hate myself for being like this. I just want to make my mum proud of me.

i feel the same way.

like you, i was taken out of school too (due to my MH issues) and i don't even have home schooling... in fact- i've had nothing happen to me for almost a whole year

i don't leave the house too (social anxiety)

tell me about the things you want to do?

hugs- you arn't alone

[cluelesscher]

Originally Posted by CreativeTeardrop

I've let everyone down. Family expected so much of me and I've just let them down. Couldn't stay in school because it got too hard to cope, I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight and in the end I couldn't force myself to go anymore. Ended up getting home schooling instead. Failed everything from then on. Everyone I know is at college while I can hardly leave the house.. Though I want to so much. I have a lot I want to do, just no motivation and I'm scared.

I find it hard to talk about certain things, though sometimes things like 'What are you doing tomorrow then?' will instantly make me feel horrible and I cut the person off. As much as I wanna talk about things I can't because the words just don't come out. Cry almost every night and feel so horrible, my mind is everywhere. Every day just gets worse and I hate how much I've let my mum down. She sounds so disappointed in me, but I don't blame her. I'm a waste of space, a mess.
I hate myself for being like this. I just want to make my mum proud of me.

You are not a waste of space.

It can be so frustrating to try and answer someone's question when you're down, knowing your honest answer may cause them to feel a negative emotion. It's a no-win situation. It is not your fault, though, please don't judge yourself or beat yourself up right now. Talk here if you need to and keep reaching out.

The relationship with mom in particular can be tough during depression, I've found in my experience. You're not alone.

<3

[Queen.A]

Originally Posted by CreativeTeardrop

I've let everyone down. Family expected so much of me and I've just let them down.

Family can seem that way sometimes. Mine pushes me so hard to achieve my dreams I sometimes find myself thinking I have let them down. Don't let it bother you. In time, and at your pace, you will get there. It isn't the quantity, but the quality.

Couldn't stay in school because it got too hard to cope, I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight and in the end I couldn't force myself to go anymore. Ended up getting home schooling instead. Failed everything from then on. Everyone I know is at college while I can hardly leave the house.. Though I want to so much. I have a lot I want to do, just no motivation and I'm scared.

No need to be. People are scared all the time. It's the most difficult aspect of achieving your dreams. Once you conquered the fear, the rest is a smooth ride. That you have failed once or a few times does not in any way make you a failure. We are only failures when we stop trying.

I find it hard to talk about certain things, though sometimes things like 'What are you doing tomorrow then?' will instantly make me feel horrible and I cut the person off. As much as I wanna talk about things I can't because the words just don't come out. Cry almost every night and feel so horrible, my mind is everywhere. Every day just gets worse and I hate how much I've let my mum down. She sounds so disappointed in me, but I don't blame her. I'm a waste of space, a mess.
I hate myself for being like this. I just want to make my mum proud of me.

Give yourself a break. That you typed and posted what you did means you have a good heart. You have feelings for your mother. Not everyone does. But, to be contented and fufilled in life, you have to do things for yourself. You could start by reading, doing things you enjoy doing. Getting a job you can cope with & feel strong enough to deal with. Baby steps to start with and you will hopefully get there sooner than you think. By the way, our family especially mothers love us unconditionally.

[CreativeTeardrop]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i feel the same way.

like you, i was taken out of school too (due to my MH issues) and i don't even have home schooling... in fact- i've had nothing happen to me for almost a whole year

i don't leave the house too (social anxiety)

tell me about the things you want to do?

hugs- you arn't alone

My main goal is to travel. I want to see as much as I can see, bringing along my camera. Thank you

Originally Posted by cluelesscher

You are not a waste of space.

It can be so frustrating to try and answer someone's question when you're down, knowing your honest answer may cause them to feel a negative emotion. It's a no-win situation. It is not your fault, though, please don't judge yourself or beat yourself up right now. Talk here if you need to and keep reaching out.

The relationship with mom in particular can be tough during depression, I've found in my experience. You're not alone.

<3

Hope you're feeling more positive now. I've been close with my mum since forever, but I do push her away occasionally without meaning too.. Thank you

Originally Posted by Queen.A

Give yourself a break. That you typed and posted what you did means you have a good heart. You have feelings for your mother. Not everyone does. But, to be contented and fufilled in life, you have to do things for yourself. You could start by reading, doing things you enjoy doing. Getting a job you can cope with & feel strong enough to deal with. Baby steps to start with and you will hopefully get there sooner than you think. By the way, our family especially mothers love us unconditionally.

Thank you. I have no motivation lately so it's hard to get myself to do anything, starting from actually getting out of bed. I do have my good days though, so I make the most of them. My mum is my world, and she is trying her best to help me. I'm trying my best to, for her.

Sorry for the late replies, Haven't been able to get on here. Thanks though<3