[Indie'sOK]

Hi everyone,

I don't really know where or how to start this thread. I just need some help.
I've been feeling this way for a couple months now, really since school began. I need to figure out if I may have depression, which is basically the point of this thread.

Lately I've really been struggling in school and my personal life. I've had problems with procrastination for years, but it's like it's gotten worse than ever this year. I started the school year alright, I did most of my homework and everything, but now I rarely turn work in on time. Every day I sit in class listening to my iPod or going on Facebook, just ignoring the tasks at hand because "I can always do it later". It's like I go through the motions of the day, in a sort of half-sleep, with my mind on one thing and one thing only.

That thing would be talking to a person whom I have become very infatuated with in the past couple months. I met him online in August and we have talked ever since. I cannot stop thinking about him. All I want to do is talk to him. Lately, though, we haven't talked as much (he says he's busy) and I worry that he's lost interest in me. It just hurts so much because he used to express so much affection toward me and told me how much he liked me. I've just started feeling this way in the past week. It's like everything changed so quickly. Maybe he really is busy? I don't know.

I shouldn't let a person dominate this much of my life; no one is worth that. But I am so very lonely..I don't know. I have few friends and no close friends. I've dealt with social anxiety issues through the years and have thus managed to stay out of everyone's drama. Of course, staying out of it means sacrificing the chance to form any close relationship. I've never had a boyfriend because I don't hang out with people and I am terrified that a guy is going to hurt me. I have Asperger's and it is very difficult to relate to other people. I've been told to just "get out there" to meet others like myself. Well, I can't just "get out there" - I am extremely introverted and I hate social situations. Besides, the types of people I'm looking for act the same way I do. They don't draw attention to themselves by hanging out with large crowds. So how do I meet them?

I guess my social issues and infatuation with this boy aren't the only things that are bringing me down. It's a lot of stuff. It's my apathy towards school, my fear of going to college where I won't be able to get through it by acting the way I do now. It's everything. Everything feels like an effort. I'm so tired all the time. I feel like my days go by in a sleepy daze and I'm irritable more often than not. I just want someone to be with. I want a boy to love me and know how I'm feeling. I just want to feel like someone knows I exist because it feels like I'm invisible to everyone at school. I just want someone to care.

Does this sound like depression to anyone? I don't know. I haven't seen my therapist in weeks and I have to wait to get my work schedule before making an appointment. I want to go on an anti-depressant, even if the one I took before didn't help. I just want to know what it feels like to be happy and motivated.

[shezbut]

The situation that you described does sound like depression, yes. Thankfully, not severe! Now is really a good time to reach out for help, before things feel worse to you. I think that an anti-depressant would help you gain a little more energy and stability.

Gaining those 2 things would help you feel better emotionally. You could make an appointment withy your doctor, and then let work know that you aren't available to work on that day & time. That's an option too ~ as fitting into doctor's schedules can be tricky, we need to be a little flexible with availability. You deserve that to get the help that you need too!

[gma45]

I agree with shezbut, you do sound a bit depressed. But it sounds like you know what you need to do too. Get to the Dr. and to your therapist as soon as you can. Putting all your time and thoughts on one person is heading for trouble I am afraid. Try and do some other things that make you happy, Indie'sOK I know you can do it!