[hwc.critchfield]

My wife of 35 years has been treated for years for depression. She has attempted suicide early in our marriage, left me several times mid-marriage, divorced me for 9 months and returned, admitted to mental health facility for 2 weeks three years ago (left not following through with therapy), has had 7 jobs in the last 5 years, quitting without notice, she will not even try to mingle or engage people (familiar or unfamiliar), stays up all night and sleeps all day, does zero housework, has now left me accusing me of being the cause of all her problems. She is totally non-confrontational. My problem is: she now seems manipulative, uncaring, irrepsonsible, vagarious, and arbitrary. She claims we have come to the end of our line together, with the added kicker of "no turning back". How do I know if she is irretrievable? I will never forgive myself if I don't give it every effort, yet at 63 with leukemia, I cherish each day and feel as though I am being robbed.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, hwc.critchfield!

Wow. Your description of your wife's behavior makes me think she is suffering from more than just depression. Have you spoken with both your doctors and hers about what's going on?

You may have heard it all before, but you might find something you've overlooked below:
10 Ways to Help Someone with Depression PsychCentral/NIMH
4 Ways to Support Someone With Depression by Therese J. Borchard, PsychCentral
PsychCentral Caregivers Support Forum

Given you own condition, you have to be sensitive to your own limited resources in dealing with her. Active assistance from outside your family may be necessary (but even that does not guarantee success).

[Leed]

Oh my. Your poor wife has suffered for years with mental health issues, and she's still suffering. I don't believe she's "cured" by any means.

I don't know what you can do at this point -- if she's left, I don't see how you can get her back. You can't really go get her and drag her back.

You really DON'T know if she's retrievable or not. She may decide to come back at any time. The state of mind that she's in is unstable -- I don't think SHE even knows what she's going to do next. But one thing is for sure--it's not your fault.

And if she decides not to come back, you cannot blame yourself for THAT. You can't MAKE her come back, my friend. If you forced her, she'd just leave again, and you could get into trouble besides. Don't blame yourself. She needs help. I hope she gets it. You will be in my prayers my friend. Please keep posting if need be. We'll be here. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[hwc.critchfield]

She recognizes she has problems but wants so much for it to be caused by anyone but herself. She sees herself as untreatable, by virtue of lifelong battle with depression. Every doctor I suggest she finds fault with.

[hwc.critchfield]

That's the way I see it also. Rather grim isn't it? Her only friend is now frustrated with her as well. I fear the worse for her.

[oWARLOCKo]

I feel for you, Im currently trying to help my Girlfriend deal with her depression. Shes Bipolar and recently she has slipped into a bad depressed episode. I cant offer much in the way of advice but my heart goes out to both you, and your Wife.

[hwc.critchfield]

My wife's behavior seems to have taken on a new dimension. I do not know this woman I have lived with for 35 years. She seems hell bent on self destructing and has no appreciation for where she is heading, which is the abyss. Credit hounds are after her and she is spending money frivolously, will soon have no cash. It seems I am powerless over this terrible affliction. What she feels or doesn't feel, I can't even begin to imagine. This is a total nightmare! She has this grandiose air about her, almost invinsible, yet her every move takes her one step closer to being totally destitute, a friendless beggar on the street. There should be something I could do to save her from herself? I am scared for her!