I don't feel so good

My fiance left me for another girl. He had been seeing her for four years and I had no clue, until she called me up to shame me for living with her boyfriend. She told me they were always together.

But I was living in the apartment because he had asked me to live there and prepare to get married. Two years prior, he had kicked me out of the apartment with cryptic text messages like .. "you said you would go, why are you still here". But after I left, he said he did not mean those words, and asked me back. I waited a year, and then returned.

So he proposed, I accepted. But this was his third proposal. The first time, we were in our early twenties, and I asked him to improve his character first, because he was always depressed over money, and angry at the world. The second, I accepted, but I think we fought because I could never get him to listen to what I had to say. He would either make me repeat myself 100 times (I am not joking about this) and still say... "what? I can't hear you, can you repeat that". Or he would go out and buy big ticket items like a synthesizer, a new sedan car, holidays for his new girlfriend, and later now two properties.

But I was with him since university, we always tried to be together. And I know how he would also make me save and scrimp along with him. He told me how he admired me because I "could take hardship". Once, as newly grads, he dragged out of a shopping mall by grabbing my backpack because I went to look at a restaurant menu.

I tried to get him to just listen to me, but nothing seemed to get through, and in my frustration, would fight and say harsh things. Which now I regret deeply. Eventually I would try to start relationships with other guys. But he would always be the one who cared for me most. We are now in our mid thirties.

Back to the present, three months after he proposed to me, I discovered a loan proposal in his computer to purchase a property with the girl. He began to blame me for all my causing him to suffer all these years. He told me he loved the girl, and was just morally obligated to me.

Each time I tried to approach him, he would accuse me of more and more things that I had done wrong. Eventually, they started to make no sense. Distorted information. Things like - I didn't support his parents work, that I did not like his friends, that I did not like him because he was poor. Utter nonsense. Its like he even started to mix up the information, and I don't know where or how.

Now I live in the apartment we were supposed to marry and live in while I struggle to close the chapter and one day move out. I work miles away from home, because both of us studied away from home.

I have rashes on my torso from the tremendous stress, and am planning to leave this life behind and go home.

He, on the other hand, seems to say things that very occasionally don't make sense. He lives mostly in his room. But when he comes out, is silent. And keeps uttering blame upon me, some of which I can no longer shoulder.

Please, is it possible, that I caused him to go quite mad?

My heart is heavily burdened, I feel terribly alone, and everyday is a struggle.

Of COURSE you didn't cause him to go mad! If anyone did, HE did, trying to handle 2 women at the same time! What in the world is the matter with this guy? How did he think he could get away with this?

Something tells me he has had some serious problems all along -- it's just maybe you didn't see them at the time. Maybe they weren't as serious previously, and are now just beginning to really effect him. But something is really wrong with him. I pity the woman he's going to marry -- IF he does.

I'm sorry he wasted so much of your time -- I know you cared for him. I know you thought you had a future with him. I just wish the symptoms had become apparent earlier for your sake.

Find a great guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated -- with respect and honesty! God bless my friend and please take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

Hello & Welcome, Nightingale123!
I believe Leed is correct. At most, his interactions with you and the other young woman contributed to letting loose problems buried deep within himself.

Now is the time to focus on caring for yourself.

You definitely did not contribute to his problems. I feel your pain because my ex lied to me and cheated too. You deserve so much better but I know hoe having been together for so long it will be hard to understand why this happened. Just wanted to let you know I hear you.

Leed, rohag and kelly4519, I've been so broken. I didn't mean to expect the positive responses, and cried when I read yours.

Thank you...