[dakotalovexx]

Hey there,

I'm 21 and I've been dealing with depression for about a year now. I just recently started going to therapy because it seems to be getting out of hand. She's helping me realize that my past is catching up to me (alchoholic mother, no father, etc.) even though I've been really resilient.

I've lived on my own since I was 18. I work fulltime and go to school fulltime. I am also a musician and while that used to bring me happiness, it doesn't as much anymore. I have a wonderful boyfriend who knows about my depression and is very supportive. I kinda have it all going for me but I literally don't have the will anymore.

I don't look forward to the day, even if there's something to look forward to. I don't care about much and don't have the will to live anymore. I could never hurt myself but I lay in bed every night wishing that I wouldn't wake up.

I work out regularly, eat relatively healthy, take my vitamins and try to go out and socialize (aka not stay couped up), and get enough sleep 90% of the time. I go to school fulltime and work fulltime but I'm depressed at the thought of spending the rest of my life working to paying off loans and being tired from a fulltime job and school. I do have close friends and an older sister who are all wonderful, but the depression just makes me not even want to be bothered anymore. The things that used to make me happy aren't enjoyable anymore and I can't seem to beat the depression. I literally am just so miserable and unhappy and I can't stop and I want to stop. I try to read, I never want to write music anymore and when I try it doesn't last longer than five minutes, I try to change how I feel but I can't. The only time it all goes away (most of the time) for a little while is when I'm with my boyfriend and I don't want to have to rely on him for that and I don't want him to deal with it. I want to get better.

My therapist is helping me uncover why I may react the way I react and believes that though I've always been really upbeat, happy, and resilient, that it's catching up to me. I hate meds but I'm afraid it might be my last hope.

[awebb198488]

I am glad that you are working with your therapist. Talk with him/her and share your concerns about medication. Perhaps they can provide insight and ease your mind a bit about taking medicine. Also, remember that sometimes taking the meds is only temporary.

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by dakotalovexx

Hey there,

I'm 21 and I've been dealing with depression for about a year now. I just recently started going to therapy because it seems to be getting out of hand. She's helping me realize that my past is catching up to me (alchoholic mother, no father, etc.) even though I've been really resilient.

I've lived on my own since I was 18. I work fulltime and go to school fulltime. I am also a musician and while that used to bring me happiness, it doesn't as much anymore. I have a wonderful boyfriend who knows about my depression and is very supportive. I kinda have it all going for me but I literally don't have the will anymore.

I don't look forward to the day, even if there's something to look forward to. I don't care about much and don't have the will to live anymore. I could never hurt myself but I lay in bed every night wishing that I wouldn't wake up.

I work out regularly, eat relatively healthy, take my vitamins and try to go out and socialize (aka not stay couped up), and get enough sleep 90% of the time. I go to school fulltime and work fulltime but I'm depressed at the thought of spending the rest of my life working to paying off loans and being tired from a fulltime job and school. I do have close friends and an older sister who are all wonderful, but the depression just makes me not even want to be bothered anymore. The things that used to make me happy aren't enjoyable anymore and I can't seem to beat the depression. I literally am just so miserable and unhappy and I can't stop and I want to stop. I try to read, I never want to write music anymore and when I try it doesn't last longer than five minutes, I try to change how I feel but I can't. The only time it all goes away (most of the time) for a little while is when I'm with my boyfriend and I don't want to have to rely on him for that and I don't want him to deal with it. I want to get better.

My therapist is helping me uncover why I may react the way I react and believes that though I've always been really upbeat, happy, and resilient, that it's catching up to me. I hate meds but I'm afraid it might be my last hope.

Depression is a beast. It knows no reason, background or status. All it wants is to swallow you whole. The fact that you had the sense to find a good therapist so soon will help in the long run. The longer you wait, the deeper and blacker the hole gets. Don't be afraid of medications. You have the right to say stop at any time if they are either not helping or are causing adverse effects. I know that sometimes depression makes it seem that you no longer have any control. In response, its easy to become supersensitive to letting anyone else take the reins even for a short time. You are still young, and it sounds like you have a good support system. Keep working at it. Lots of people take medication for a variety of reasons, not all of them psychiatric. Taking antidepressants is no different. If medications will help return your life to you, go for it.

Sam2

[NoCake]

In my experience depression that is brought on by social factors results in you projecting a lot of negative things that you were pushed into believing. There's usually a lot of "programming" that needs to be removed before you start to feel better. Usually bad experiences will cause us to create negative outlooks about ourselves and these outlooks lead to bad habits. So in the beginning you just feel negatively about everything. But soon that can lead to other seemingly unrelated bad things randomly happening.

That's why they tell kids not to watch violent tv. They can misinterpret it in so many negative ways and that can lead to all sorts of negative emotions and behaviors. Adults are the same but it takes a bit more for it to occur.

A big thing for me was thinking about why I felt the way I did about some things. I ended up realizing that I believed in a lot of things because I was told they were true instead of actually thinking about them for myself.

[onlytime]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low - depression is so awful! It zaps your motivation and desire to do anything. But you're NOT alone!

I don't look forward to the day, even if there's something to look forward to. I don't care about much and don't have the will to live anymore. I could never hurt myself but I lay in bed every night wishing that I wouldn't wake up.

I can really relate to this. I wish I had some advice on this, but I thought I would offer you a

I would encourage to talk to your therapist (or find a psychiatrist to add to your treatment team) about meds. I was anti-meds for the longest time, but they definitely helped me. But everyone's situation is different, but I would encourage you to keep an open mind about it.

Hang in there!