[Hopefull]

My T has mentioned the idea of taking an anti-depressant. She obviously thinks this is in my best interest. I can't seem to open my mouth and talk to my sister or pastor about this conversation.
When I walk over to the hospital to see T, I sometimes catch myself thinking of myself as a mental patient. My agency doesn't seem to use the word client. We are all "patients" to them. AAAAA! My T mentioned that I may have injured my brain when talking about anti-depressants. My insurance once tried to compare my talking to a T to getting a broken leg treated. I don't like to think of myself as ever having had or currently having a mental disorder. I mean I'm not exactly mentally healthy. But, I am not mentallly ill. How does one take a drug for a mental health reason and not think of themselves as mentally ill or nuts? AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Is this just a part of my annoying habit of taking negative emotions and denying them?
I feel like a hypocrit because I am studying addiction counseling. Yet, I automatically think of myself as nuts if I need a T or drug. How do I find a more reasonable way to see mental disorders in relation to myself. I don't seem to have the problem when it comes to mental disorders in others. But, I can't seem to stand the idea of me having a mental disorder. Why didn't I figure some of this stuff out in 1993 (Dysthymic Disorder)? I didn't like his "theory" but didn't quite consider if a diagnosis even though I took benefit from our talks. I couldn't consider the idea that a PhD doesn't present theories to clients that they have a mental disorder without it being a Dx. Why do I stick everything in denial? Why must I wait until it is probably called depression? How does one get their inner T back on-line? What does it take to get a positive thought out of my little scrowny mind?
I think I might cry myself to sleep tonight. Sorry about the rant. I have been working on a timeline of the past to share with T. I haven't shared all of my odd denial abilities yet with her. But, she knows that I can deny almost anything.

[(JD)]

Depression clouds our thinking sometimes. Perhaps once you begin taking one, you will be able to answer many of those questions. I'm not sure my posting on all you addressed would do you as much good now, as it might in the future?

But I'll try

Having a mental disorder doesn't mean crazy nor "nuts." It means something is DIS ordered... something in the brain chemicals is not in order and needs assistance to regain it's balance.

I prefer the term mentally unwell. It isn't a purely psychiatric problem; depression is a medical illness. Why on earth would they have all these drugs for a purely philosophical disorder???? If you were physically healthy and took meds for a problem you didn't have, (aside from the side effects ) it wouldn't do a thing "for" you. The very fact that medicine helps shows that it's a medical problem. The medical problem just happens to affect the way we think about how we feel.

There is no basis for feeling hypocritical regarding your course of study. There's no connection whatsoever. I think you might find your inside T by reviewing the 10 common cognitive distortions (it's pinned to the top of the psychotherapy forum.) TC!