[survival101]

I need to know if this is maybe not just something I am experiencing alone?

First I need to explain I am a very oversensitive person, meaning I feel extremely sad if I even see a dead bird in the road. I feel an almost physical pain if I see people suffer. Unfortunately it is only with the bad feelings and in this country there is so much hurt that it is difficult to avoid sadness.

Because I feel so much I tend to overanalize everybody around me - I try to find a meaning behind every gesture and word. Which I think is not rational. And I usually interpret everybody else's action as proof that they don't see me or don't care.

All my life, wherever I went, there was always this one person that I would get almost obsessed about. I would have this overwhelming need that this person MUST care about me and I would go out of my way to make it happen. With out of my way I mean I will have them get to know me and I will manipulate if necessary. I am aware of what I am doing and I do fight myself, but I don't understand why I do it? It's not even necessarily "beautiful" people there is just a connection that I can't explain (just from my side). I can always rein myself in to not make a fool of myself or harass them, but it takes a lot of fighting.

I often have these fantasies in my head in which I would be the hero or save their lives or mean something and then they will appreciate me. Or I think about what their reaction would be if I got hurt, will they care and things like that.

In all my years of therapy I have never been able to discuss this, I don't know if it is something anybody else can identify with? It is a lifelong struggle for me so please - ANY insights or advice? It is the part of myself that I really truly hate.

[MudCrab]

Hello, survival101. Make the decision to talk about it in therapy. You are much more likely to get better insights and advice from a professional.

5 Things Not to Worry About in Therapy
6 Ways to Open Up and Talk in Therapy

[shlump]

Hi survival,

I can't say I've ever felt just like that, but I have had some fantasies along those lines.

Do you think it's a direct result of low self esteem.

Maybe creating a scenario in which you are a hero because you don't expect to be accepted for who you are?

Just a thought.

Maybe when you are able to accept yourself and see the good in you maybe you can move away from this mindset....

just a thought.

glad you brought it up and that you are fighting it.

[Marcelo]

you're really not alone in this.
Overthinking, that constant anxiety, fixation for some deeper conection for no apparent reason...