I have no more feelings left to feel >>> I am dead to pain

I am so emotionally drained and depleted.
I am tired of feeling hyper and then crashing and feeling down more and more each time.
I have been finding ways to numb it all out.
I will not feel pain anymore, at least right now I am swearing to be dead to pain.

I will not do anything life threatening. But, at the same time I feel like my life is already dredged and gone.

HE killed me when I was 12.

Wow, 50 some views and not one damn supportive response...christ, what does that tell you>?

Hey,
I really like the wording of that, it's kind of...what I've been trying to say but couldn't find the words for, in a sense. Is it that you just feel...dead? As if your just watching your life from the sidelines and nothing about it is exciting, it's as if you were dragged there to watch it all without a choice? I don't know if I got the right thing out of what you were trying to say, but if you ever need someone to talk to, or you just want someone to listen I'm always here.

the reason I havent responded was because you seem to have already made the decision to not feel whatever you are going through and nothing I say can make you feel in fact I know from experience that sometimes numbing oneself is needed in order to be able to put things into perspective and decide what to do about the situation that has caused me to decide not to "feel"

I was also confused by the statement of - being killed at twelve. you are obviously physically alive otherwise you would not be able to post this thread. So I figured it might be an emotional thing in which you are taking a break from feeling. If someone is taking a break from feeling something I honor their needing to take a break. So I thought when you are ready you would come back to post more so that we would all know what was going on so that we could help. All I can do for someone who says they "will not feel anymore" is to wait for them to decide to connect mentally again.

As for the idea that no one has posted to your thread. I personally dont look at threads as in how many people are posting to one person or one thread. I post to threads when I am able to, based on if I have experienced what they are going through and if I can help. I don't always get to each and every thread and post because I am going through my own stuff too.

I personally believe everyone here is doing the best they can posting based on when they can and what they can offer or when they need help themselves.

I also believe that on line support groups should be a suppliment to a person recieving help in real life. alot of on line support groups say right in the rules that on line support groups are not meant to take the place of real life help when in crisis its time to contact a professional in the persons local area.

I hate to see someone going downhill just because people in on line support gorups dont always see and reply to each and every post and also may be going through their own problems at the same time when someone needs help so please take care and contact your therapy professional when you need to ok.

Hi Twisted Soul,
I know and I'm sorry.
(((((Twisted Soul))))

Susu, you only have to pm or e-mail and you know I'll be there
Angie

Yeah, I do feel numb and I am tired of "feeling" all the pain.
At 12 a man took away my innocence and I feel like he destroyed my life then. I am just tired of dealing with it 25 years later and still feeling like I am 12 and it is happening all over again.
I posted this thread, I guess, to get support about what I was going through. If I wasn't looking for support I wouldn't have posted anything!
I am confused, overwhelmed, mad, sad etc....so I guess I have been stuffing it all inside to just "avoid" it.
It isn't like I don't know what I am doing to get by.
I was just looking for a little feedback and support.
Sorry I have upset or bothered anyone.
I will go back in my hole now.

i think i know kinda what ur going through.
cuz when i was 12 my best friend killed my confidence.
and now im only 13 with no family support.
so maybe we could help each other out.
if not good luck!
-megan-

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Twisted_Soul said:
Yeah, I do feel numb and I am tired of "feeling" all the pain.
At 12 a man took away my innocence and I feel like he destroyed my life then. I am just tired of dealing with it 25 years later and still feeling like I am 12 and it is happening all over again.
I posted this thread, I guess, to get support about what I was going through. If I wasn't looking for support I wouldn't have posted anything!
I am confused, overwhelmed, mad, sad etc....so I guess I have been stuffing it all inside to just "avoid" it.
It isn't like I don't know what I am doing to get by.
I was just looking for a little feedback and support.
Sorry I have upset or bothered anyone.
I will go back in my hole now.

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Im so sorry 2 hear what u have gone through I have never had that happen 2 me but I have friends who have & the best thing i found for them was just 2 b there when they needed me what ever it was for if it was just 2 listen or 4 a hug if u ever want 2 talk im at the end of an email or yahoo & msn