Grief - What do I do next?

Quick Backstory: I'm 27 now. My mom, whom I was closest with, died of cancer right before I moved out of the house and started college. Without her guidance, I developed a bad procrastination habit, which led me to failing classes, but finally graduating after transferring to three different schools. I felt like I didn't care. In 2010, my younger sister and only sibling, died of a sudden clot - she had a form of mental retardation and was hard to live with. The following year my dad, whom I was trying to build a relationship with after all this trauma, died of lung cancer.

I have now moved to the West Coast w/ my girlfriend of four years. I am living off a nice trust my father left me, but have no motivation to get a job. Beginning with my mother's death 'til now, I just don't care about much.

I have never been to a grief counselor or therapist for all of this - at the time, my friends and other family members helped me. But now that the dust has settled, I feel completely alone and don't know what to do next. I've developed anxiety around other people - for example, I can leave the house in a great mood, meet with a friend, but as soon as I start thinking about all I've lost I get quiet, depressed, introverted, etc.

Since I don't have a job, I don't have insurance to see a therapist. My girlfriend, who is a wonderful professional nurse, said that if we got married I could use her great benefits for medical care. But I wonder if I would just be "using" her and not loving her.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you, Psych Central.

I can certainly see why you're grieving. Those are a lot of losses in a relatively short time.

I understand the money situation. However, there are clinics who take people on a sliding scale--that is, based on how much they can pay. I think that would be something good to check out.

You haven't said anything about your being religious. If you feel comfortable about it, then you could meet with a pastor or priest or someone along this line.

I definitely think you need to talk to someone. As you say, your feelings are really beginning to affect your whole life, and not for the good.

I appreciate your sensitivity in not wanting to "use" your girlfriend, since you don't feel like you love her and probably aren't sure, then, of a long-term future together.

In the meantime, how about checking out the social groups we have here? There might be some with folks who are also grieving.....And you could meet other folks who will give you some other people to talk to and who can be a support to you.

I hope this information will help.

Hi James ~ Bless your heart, you've had a lot of loss in a short length of time, and I'm so very sorry.

Since your Dad left you a trust, could you possibly use some of that money to go to a therapist? Is there any of that left? You really need to see a professional if possible. Perhaps if you checked with your local Social Services to see what kind of services they have in their Mental health dept., they may have a psychologist on staff who could see you based on ability to pay. Some counties have these, and it's great. Check with them and see what they say. Perhaps they can recommend something else if they don't have one.

It is important that you talk to someone. How about a grief counselor from Hospice? I've talked with them and they were great. I don't know what their fees are, but they aren't like a psychologist, that's for sure!!! Their services are wonderful tho, and they actually followed up with me for a full year! So give them a call and make sure you tell them you want a one-on-one counselor; you don't want to be in a group.

I wish you the very best James. I hope and pray you end up talking with someone -- and that you let us know what happens. God bless and please take care of YOU. We DO care!!! Big hugs, Lee