[allimsaying]

Ive been sick the past week and should have taken time off but it would leave us short handed so I took one day off and went in every day. The mornings have gone well, but in the afternoon Ive struggled with being tired/feeling crappy. Today was really busy. About twice the usual work load. I had to break all my previous productivity records to keep up and I barely made it. Well, I was peaking adreneline and stress at the same time and at one point I was asked to do something I hadnt prepared for and I felt like every second was crucial and I grumbled out loud about having to do this thing. The poor lady was actually understanding but I wish I had been nicer to her. I told her I was sorry and hurried off because I didnt want to fall behind. Then I accidentally broke something (not in anger) but I thought I handled that pretty well and just kept movving. I took some risks I shouldnt have in my rush to get finished. It was just that kind of day.

In the past I would have spent a lot of time hating on things, people. I did hate on a few things and I cursed out of earshot of several people. I also reminded myself I love them and my anger dissipated. When the day was finally done I felt like all the air had escaped me. I went numb and my body relaxed. I felt at peace again.

Id like to learn to handle all the stress better. Smile through it. I managed to regain my calm during the day even though I was still pressured. I feel bad about that lady. I hope I will see her again and she remembers what happened so I can explain it to her. She seemed like the kind that would understand and forgive.

Dont really know what Im looking for here, just thanks for reading.

[RJ78]

You're welcome, it seems to me that you handled everything quite well!

RJ

[roads]

You're going above and beyond. Wisely, because that's what's expected of an employee these days!
Please make up for piling all this stress on yourself at work and working when you're sick by taking extra special care of yourself when you're off work. If you have a reporting system at work, you might want to CYA with a brief explanation of the little "incidents" such as the broken item & the issue with the woman.
Just saying ...
But it sounds to me you did an outstanding job!!

[allimsaying]

Thanks you guys. I really appreciate the replies even though I dont know what kind of support Im looking for. I guess I did want to hear 'good job' from someone. Not even an acknowledgement from the bosses team but they have shown their appreciation in the past so I'll have to borrow from that for this time.

Minus the swearing, the lady, and the risks I took, I felt pretty good about having the ability to get thru it. The risks are the kind that if things had not gone perfectly there would have been some very serious collateral damage. So, glad that didnt happen. I need to find a way to cope without the risk but that would mean slowing down and then the work wouldnt get done. Roadie, youre right, gotta keep up the pace or get left in the dust. The old me would throw a fit and demand a slow down and then I would self implode and tell my boss to P@#! off and likely quit, regretting it later, so this is progress. Still would love to learn to smile more. Depression completely gobbled my sense of humor up and 37 years of sadness and then anger rooted in the depression have left me at the beginning with this. Thank God the sadness is mostly gone now. Just gotta deal with the anger. Deep breathing helps a lot. Love you guys. Hope your day is good.

[avlady]

oh I hope you can stay being the way you are, you'll probably run into that lady again so you can even take another step higher and apologise, hope you keep up,

[allimsaying]

Wow! Just Wow! In all my life I dont think anyone has ever said to me to stay just the way I am. Wow! Thats like magic avlady! Thanks!

Today was so much like yesterday in the amount of work. Again the anger started to rise. This time I just cut it off right from the beginning. I told myself how much I like my job even though it has its moments. I reminded myself how much I like the people I work with and I told myself how I have to take the bad with the good. At the end of the day I told someone else what a good job they did and how much I appreciate them. Much better ending.

Wow avlady, just wow!