[Khym]

My wife is in a nursing home and won't ever be well enough to go home. She's bi-polar, has traumatic head injuries and a variety of physical problems. I spent at least five years giving her full time care at home and working full time. I eventually lost my job and burned myself out. My relationship with my wife has changed and other than visit her I can't bring myself to do things she wants me to do. The big thing she wants from me is to be brought home for visits. I'm not going to do that. I understand her pain, anguish, sorrow and the rest of it but I can't do it anymore. I don't know what else to add and I'm not expecting anyone to understand or offer advice. I'm just tired and depressed and feeling like my life is never going to get any better.

[adam_k]

I'm sorry things areso so rough. You are in an impossible spot. It sounds like you care very deeply for your wife, but you also have to take care of yourself. If having home visits is too much for you, then I would set boundaries. You cant take care of her by neglecting yourself. I hope this helps.

[Khym]

Thank you Adam. Part of the problem with this is that my wife's moods are so changeable. I never know from day to day what she remembers, what she's forgotten, what is still important to her and what she no longer cares about. Setting boundaries is what I need to do but it's difficult.

[GreyThinker]

I can understand you not wanting to bring her home, and it may not be good for her anyway...for instance, if you made changes how would she react to the notion of you seeming to move on? I suspect she needs somehow to start viewing where she is as home now, and going back will not help her. Are there other places you can take her to visit? A nice park perhaps, or a cosy cafe...somewhere you can go regularly together and make your new special 'together place'? Also, do you have children you can vusit together?