[LookingforCalm]

It seems like my posts are mostly about this, but here it is again.

I've had the entire week off from work. In fact, I'll have been off for ten days by the time I go back, and I've done nothing I wanted to do because I feel like I can't. I can hardly get out of bed, I've been sleeping too much, and have backed out of even seeing friends because I don't want to leave my apartment.

I feel like my family doesn't need me anymore, and that I don't matter much. My friends don't contact me because they're with their significant others, and of course I don't have one. I never had kids so I don't have a have a family. I am truly alone.

I feel alone and isolated, but I also know I've done this to myself. This is my fault, and all because I feel so bummed that being around people is such an effort on my part. I have to put on a mask that everything's fine, when it's not.
My life isn't even that bad, but for some reason I cannot get out of my poisoned brain that I'm not worthy of anyone's love. I've been on a dating site too for three months and I can't get up the courage to go meet someone because I feel like they're going to be disappointed in what they see. I feel judged for being a 41 woman without kids, and I know I am.

I've read other people's stuff on here and my life seems like cake compared to theirs, which makes me feel even more guilty for how I feel. My heart and soul are sad, and I just don't know what to do.

I've been on medication before, but haven't followed through with it. I'm not consistent with anything. I actually got online through my insurance to look for a therapist because I know I need one, and as I know I can't talk to my family about this anymore. I know they're tired of dealing with my mood-swings. I've been telling them this week that I'm sick, and I do feel sick. My head hurts, my heart aches, my body actually hurts and I feel so lost.

It's like I can't get my life started because I feel like I don't deserve one. My life has totally revolved around work, and since I'm not there it's like I'm at a loss. What do I do? Do I have to do everything alone? I'm tired of doing everything alone. But I'm tired of hurting so much for so many reasons. I haven't even gotten my oil changed in my car because I don't want to go up the block by myself again. Isn't that stupid?

But for some reason I just can't. I just can't do it. I can't shop. Hell, I can't get out of bed! I just got up! And it's 3pm here!

I'm sorry - I know there are so many of you suffering through so much more. It's my stupid, poisoned brain that keeps telling me I'm not worth anything... and trying to rise up from it has been exhausting.

[adam_k]

Everyone has trials and tribulations in life, but other people having it worse than you doesn't mean your pain is any less real. I think I know how you feel sometimes. I have been there too often. When I feel depressed I isolate myself and shut off the world. It is a strange feeling to be alone in an office full of people, but that is how I feel at time. I don't think you are incapable of being loved. I think there may be someone out there who can love you, but I think you need to work on loving yourself. It is an issue I struggle with as well. Sometimes I have such low self image I think my wife doesn't love me anymore. It's not anything she did, but just how I feel about myself.
I think you should into therapy. It sounds like this issues are pretty debilitating to you, and I think you deserve to be happy. I think being able to talk to someone openly about how you are feeling will make it less overwhelming. I've been to therapy in the past and it helped. I think if you worked on how you feel about yourself you will find it easier to connect with people. I think you are worth something and I hope you get help.

Hello, Lookingforcalm, you really should visit a psychiatrist in my view to determine
if you have a chemical imbalance that is causing your problems. With a teaspoonful of medication, you might be right back in the thick of life with work, friends, dating, all the things you want but haven't been able to achieve.

If you aren't willing to see a psychiatrist right away, there may be a few recommendations in terms of diet changes that will help to get you stabilized.

These were the first four things I was told by my psychiatrist to do:

1. Stop drinking alcohol if you use it at all--it makes bipolar illness worse.
2. Stop the use of caffeine if you are sensitive to it--it makes bipolar illness worse.
3. Get your rest--establish a routine bedtime hour and adhere to it as much as possible.
4. Take your medications--which you don't do at this point in your life.

If you use grains in your diet--that is, wheat, rye, barley, or oats, stop using them, please. They have serious detrimental effects on your brain--particularly wheat and the gluten in wheat. Wheat acts on the opiate receptors in the brain, but it does far more injury to the body. It increases pain in joints, etc., causes cravings, induces lowered intellectual functioning, almost inumerable things are harmed by continued use of wheat in your diet. (It's also highly acidic-reacting, and that you want to calm down by having a more alkaline state of fluids and tissues for serenity.)

We have been encouraged by the government to eat whole wheat products. Evidence now is appearing that indulging in wheat is a serious problem for the body to manage. Read Dr. David Williams' new book entitled Wheat Belly. He lays the problems out clearly and definitively.

Please drink lots of water, eat more green vegetables, and fresh fruit. Buy some Omega 3 fatty acid capsules and take about 3 per day, at least. Add exercise to that and you have an unbeatable combination of changes in your diet that can only result in your feeling 100% better in just about 4 weeks' time.

(Hint: the Omega 3 fatty acids by Nordic are excellent; the flavor is pleasant and
they have a very calming reaction on the system. Of course, there are many others out there.)

Any questions? Please ask all you wish to know about changes in diet for making your feeling tone better.

Feel good soon, please.

[GreyThinker]

Genetic,thanks for the info about wheat. I have been off it for a while now because i had noticed that eating it affected my brain and my joints but it is good to know the reasons why :-)

["Tilly may"]

Genetic thanks for your tips. I didnt know that drinking alcohol or caffeine affected bipolar disorder.
Adam, you are right about everyone having their own trials, and that it is valid even if someone else is hurting more than me.

[GreyThinker]

Originally Posted by LookingforCalm

It seems like my posts are mostly about this, but here it is again.

I've had the entire week off from work. In fact, I'll have been off for ten days by the time I go back, and I've done nothing I wanted to do because I feel like I can't. I can hardly get out of bed, I've been sleeping too much, and have backed out of even seeing friends because I don't want to leave my apartment.

I feel like my family doesn't need me anymore, and that I don't matter much. My friends don't contact me because they're with their significant others, and of course I don't have one. I never had kids so I don't have a have a family. I am truly alone.

I feel alone and isolated, but I also know I've done this to myself. This is my fault, and all because I feel so bummed that being around people is such an effort on my part. I have to put on a mask that everything's fine, when it's not.
My life isn't even that bad, but for some reason I cannot get out of my poisoned brain that I'm not worthy of anyone's love. I've been on a dating site too for three months and I can't get up the courage to go meet someone because I feel like they're going to be disappointed in what they see. I feel judged for being a 41 woman without kids, and I know I am.

I've read other people's stuff on here and my life seems like cake compared to theirs, which makes me feel even more guilty for how I feel. My heart and soul are sad, and I just don't know what to do.

I've been on medication before, but haven't followed through with it. I'm not consistent with anything. I actually got online through my insurance to look for a therapist because I know I need one, and as I know I can't talk to my family about this anymore. I know they're tired of dealing with my mood-swings. I've been telling them this week that I'm sick, and I do feel sick. My head hurts, my heart aches, my body actually hurts and I feel so lost.

It's like I can't get my life started because I feel like I don't deserve one. My life has totally revolved around work, and since I'm not there it's like I'm at a loss. What do I do? Do I have to do everything alone? I'm tired of doing everything alone. But I'm tired of hurting so much for so many reasons. I haven't even gotten my oil changed in my car because I don't want to go up the block by myself again. Isn't that stupid?

But for some reason I just can't. I just can't do it. I can't shop. Hell, I can't get out of bed! I just got up! And it's 3pm here!

I'm sorry - I know there are so many of you suffering through so much more. It's my stupid, poisoned brain that keeps telling me I'm not worth anything... and trying to rise up from it has been exhausting.

Hi, Looking for Calm, are you back at work yet? How are things going? It can be really hard when work is the structure of our days,to keep going when it is not there, like on holidays. Lots of people love the chance to do nothing and sleepin long hours and vegetate, but for people who are depressed it can really pull us down. Like you say, it is exhausting to keep pushing above it. I'm glad though that you recognise that your brain is not telling you the truth. And while it might seem that others here suffer worse things, that does not make your pain any less to you. To have to keep convincing yourself that you are worth something and not really stupid (because that really is the truth) is very tiring. Were you able to find a therapist?