[HonestlyLying]

This is triggering! PLEASE, Forgive me in advance!

I don't know what to say, I hurt myself two days ago, accidentally of course. It was a very bad accident that almost caused me to bleed out in a very, very short time. I was scared but couldn't open my door or use my phone cause the blood was EVERYWHERE.

I went to a local hospital where the hemorrhaging was controlled. I was supposed to go from the E.R. in an ambulance to Baltimore to a specialty medical center for hand and wrist surgery. I refused to go. I went there yesterday and was told that I shouldn't have waited so long. They wouldn't operate.

I cried all night last night. I just felt & feel so alone and traumatized by myself. It's the story of my life. I am so very self destructive. I don't even try, I just hurt myself.

I came home today from the 'Hand Center' in Baltimore and felt dead when I walked in my apartment.

I want to rip out my stitches and watch my life pump out of my wrist at
one pint/10-15 seconds. My whole life is based on being sexually assaulted when I was a preteen & teen. IT NEVER GOES AWAY! EVER!

I'm stone cold suicidal and can't force myself to say the words. I call anonymously but hang up if any questions get asked. I have to do something one way or another. It's always the same, someone else cares but I don't.

Forgive me!

[Travelinglady]

Are you okay? Sorry we didn't get to talk to you yesterday.

Dear one, have you seen a therapist about your trauma? I'm sure a lot of people here will tell you it needs to be talked about and dealt with, although it's tough to do so. It wasn't your fault and you don't need to go through your life with it affecting you and making you want to hurt yourself.

Please write back--okay? We do care!

[optimize990h]

I hope you are safe. If you feel unsafe, please call your local crisis line. Have that number written down near your phone. It sounds like you can call, if you need help,please call 911 if necessary. Take care.