[Onward2wards]

I don't know where to post this. Something profound has happened to me today. I don't know if it's a moment of absolute self-acceptance, or of my defenses collapsing under their own weight, I have no way to truly describe it but I need to try.

I have cried for two hours straight. I have never felt this absolutely vulnerable, or as completely free and authentic and unafraid. This isn't crisis, this is healing. For a moment, I felt unconditional love and hope and peace. I realized that the person I always wanted to be, and the world I want to live in, is right here, inside, and has been all along. I just needed to trust myself that I can make that real. Whatever it is, it feels fragile and unsteady and I want it to continue.

I want to share all this with the whole world now. I'm losing my fears, piece by piece. You can accept it or reject it, and either way I'm fine with that. I am owning my own truth now.

I feel powerless and afraid, or at least I was. Now I realize how much of a sham that was, a convincing illusion.

More than anything else, I need to love. I have been so fearful that I would be misunderstood, that there would be no connection, that I would overstep my bounds or be unable to have my own boundaries accepted. I am an individual and also I need to fit in, to be accepted as I really am. I just want to be useful in ways that make sense to me. I need to find my niche where I don't have to be someone else, because who I really am inside is okay and needed by people as much as I need them. Even if it is just with one single person, somewhere, I make sense.

I want to help people understand that real self-acceptance means:

* Acknowledging your needs, your dreams, your preferences, even if other people don't seem to understand. Maybe you aren't a fool. Maybe the world needs people like you.
* Owning your feelings, whether they are labeled "good" or "bad" - and ask yourself who exactly gets to label them that away, anyhow?
* Accepting that there are things about yourself you may want to change, not because you are weak, but because you want to grow. YOU get to define the person you wish to be, and you have the capacity and the right to do that.
* Accepting that everyone has limitations, and that's okay. You can work within yours, you can overcome them, whatever feels right.
* Accepting that everyone is different, that's okay too, but we all need to find our niche. Home really is where the heart is - follow yours. Trust in yourself.
* Everything you need is already inside of you. That does not mean we don't need other people in our lives - very often it is by interacting with others that we learn the most about ourselves. It does not mean we have no growth to do - we have to explore, we have to learn, because that is how the potential we all have will be realized.

Today isn't the end of my own issues, but I think it is the beginning of the end.

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I don't know where to post this. Something profound has happened to me today. I don't know if it's a moment of absolute self-acceptance, or of my defenses collapsing under their own weight, I have no way to truly describe it but I need to try.

I have cried for two hours straight. I have never felt this absolutely vulnerable, or as completely free and authentic and unafraid. This isn't crisis, this is healing. For a moment, I felt unconditional love and hope and peace. I realized that the person I always wanted to be, and the world I want to live in, is right here, inside, and has been all along. I just needed to trust myself that I can make that real. Whatever it is, it feels fragile and unsteady and I want it to continue.

I want to share all this with the whole world now. I'm losing my fears, piece by piece. You can accept it or reject it, and either way I'm fine with that. I am owning my own truth now.

I feel powerless and afraid, or at least I was. Now I realize how much of a sham that was, a convincing illusion.

More than anything else, I need to love. I have been so fearful that I would be misunderstood, that there would be no connection, that I would overstep my bounds or be unable to have my own boundaries accepted. I am an individual and also I need to fit in, to be accepted as I really am. I just want to be useful in ways that make sense to me. I need to find my niche where I don't have to be someone else, because who I really am inside is okay and needed by people as much as I need them. Even if it is just with one single person, somewhere, I make sense.

I want to help people understand that real self-acceptance means:

* Acknowledging your needs, your dreams, your preferences, even if other people don't seem to understand. Maybe you aren't a fool. Maybe the world needs people like you.
* Owning your feelings, whether they are labeled "good" or "bad" - and ask yourself who exactly gets to label them that away, anyhow?
* Accepting that there are things about yourself you may want to change, not because you are weak, but because you want to grow. YOU get to define the person you wish to be, and you have the capacity and the right to do that.
* Accepting that everyone has limitations, and that's okay. You can work within yours, you can overcome them, whatever feels right.
* Accepting that everyone is different, that's okay too, but we all need to find our niche. Home really is where the heart is - follow yours. Trust in yourself.
* Everything you need is already inside of you. That does not mean we don't need other people in our lives - very often it is by interacting with others that we learn the most about ourselves. It does not mean we have no growth to do - we have to explore, we have to learn, because that is how the potential we all have will be realized.

Today isn't the end of my own issues, but I think it is the beginning of the end.

You are insightful and inspiring. You have had "the" moment and it seems that it's possible for someone to truly feel what is in their heart and embrace the meaning of what self love might be. It is attainable, everyone progresses when the time is right.I hope many read this post.

[allimsaying]

Thats a beautiful self realization Onwards

> Whatever it is, it feels fragile and unsteady and I want it to continue.

I dont know if you meditate but something like this I would sit with for awhile, repeating it to myself, correcting any little indescrepencies if there are any. I would try to take it in whole, breathing it in for all its healing goodness, expelling the pains of the past with each exhale. I might try to find a short form I could recall during those times when it begins to feel shaky again. I would repeat it several days until it became absorbed. Wonderful self work!

[tigerlily84]

You give me hope. That's all I wanted to say.

I really needed to hear something GOOD. So thank you for that. And I sincerely wish you many more moments like this in the future.

[InTheShadows]

A therapist told me once: "What other people think of me is none of my business"

I like that. I have spent a large part of my life living based on what I thought other people thought of me. Kudos to you for the hard work and effort you're putting in to be authentic. Your real self and accepting it is the reward.

Hugs,
Shady