[spycy]

I'm a 28yo male and I'm unemployed, single, and I live with my mom and sister. I'm trying to figure out if it's possible I have depression or more likely I'm just kind of lazy, have poor coping skills, and have had some unfortunate experiences. Like many people I had a tough time in high school with pretty serious bullying, sexual abuse from a first partner, and confusion about my sexual orientation.
After high school, I was uncertain what to do next so my parents encouraged and financed me to pick up a BA in a nearby town. I really enjoyed first year and living in residence and made a lot of new friends, lost my virginity and fun stuff like that. School was relatively easy though boring and I mostly made it interesting by trying to game exams. I never really went to lectures, tried to take online courses, and took pleasure in getting As and Bs without ever cracking a book, nay, even purchasing a textbook! Political science lends itself to BSing and really only requires a basic knowledge of current events and political theories. So I skipped class and hung out with my new friends a lot, smoking pot and drinking etc. Anyways, first year was one of the happiest times of my life though there certainly were difficult parts too.
For some reason, I really stopped enjoying school after first year, when I moved off campus. I went to even fewer classes and without simple proximity, I stopped socializing much and started drinking and smoking pot even more. It kind of highlights my difficulty with pursuing and planning social engagements.
In my third year my dad was diagnosed with a very serious kind of cancer and he fought it as best he could but he ended up wasting away over three years of ineffective treatment. So I finished my degree and I moved back to my family's place and recall some very dark and dreary times, trying to enjoy my dad's company while we were all so aware of time running out for him. I feel guilty for not helping my family more when he was sick and for not trying to spend more time and learn more from him. It was all just too upsetting for all of us and I spent a lot of time shut away in my room just watching movies and playing boring video games. One night when we were all around my dad's bedside he was in a lot of serious pain and died. It was pretty surreal and that week and the funeral is all kind of a weird non-real fantasy time.
Anyways, shortly after that a friend started a business and invited me to join in because of my personal experience with the industry. I moved to another town but I wasn't happy and spent almost all my time alone but I did do some substantial self improvement things like quitting smoking, learning to run, and getting really fit (I quit running after 8mths, started smoking again a year or two later, and I'm now fat again! lol). Eventually I decided that working there wasn't making me happy or rich so I moved back to my family's house again.
Since then I've been mostly unemployed and done a couple random customer service oriented government short term contracts and was at a retail place for a couple years before deciding that was going nowhere and just making me feel like a slavish peice of **** and see the worst parts of people. I had gotten close to a woman friend and things ended up taking a turn for the worse and I just got super down and stopped going to work. In retrospect, maybe starting a relationship was very stressful to me without me realizing it and it made me screw everything up with unattractive behaviours. I had a one month contract this past xmas as a cashier and it was alright because it was a more upscale retail place but despite being fond of me, they didn't need me after xmas. So for the last month and a half I've just been trying to be positive and open minded and hope something comes my way because when I look in job lists, I really don't see anything I'm qualified to do. Everyday I wake up and feel pretty hopeless. Occasionally I try to get into a positive habit like exercising or cooking or not smoking any pot but I always give up after a few weeks because it isn't enough. I know there are things I could do like make a doctor's appointment (I haven't seen a doctor or had one in years), clean my house, buy clothes that fit, etc. I'm just so lazy and always thinking, I can do that when I feel better like maybe tomorrow or in a week or something.
I'm really worried about a future of poverty and loneliness and don't really know what I'm supposed to do. Additionally, I have a somewhat difficult sexual fetish that means a lot to me, but I'm worried that if I'm not moderately successful, I'll never be able to find a woman that would put up with or enjoy the same things as me. I look at school programs and jobs but I don't feel that smart anymore (I was in gifted in elementary school). I'm starting to wonder how to judge my situation. Is it possible I have depression? Or is it more likely I've had some bad breaks and dealt with them poorly with bad coping tactics like drinking and good things will happen to me? I can't figure out what jobs I should even apply to, having no obvious employable skills, and not a perfect employment record ie periods of unemployment. Is my life never really going to get better until I give a doctor the opportunity to medicalize my poor mood and failures thusfar?

[Travelinglady]

To answer your question, no, I don't think life's likely to get better unless you get help. You have had a tough time with your dad's dying. I expect many of us in a situation like that would wish we had spent more time with him, but hey, you were doing what you appropriately should be doing--school, etc. I can understand guilt, but I don't think it's called for here.

You certainly could be suffering from depression. You would need a professional to officially see if that's the case. You have done the best you could. Bad at coping and being resilient? No, I wouldn't say that.

That's my opinion, anyway.

[somethingtolose]

I highly recommend listening to these six conversations: podcasts.ox.ac.uk/series/new-psychology-depression

[RJ78]

It is possible Spycy, you're identifying a number of the symptoms associated with depression, but like Payne said, it's always best to see a professional and go over your symptoms with them. They could also do some blood work to work out other possibilities. It has been empowering for me to think I'm taking charge of my health through navigating the rather complex field of mental health.

Good luck and keep us posted,

RJ

[shortandcute]

Well, my son is close to your age (25 actually) and he is living me and his sister. I have the feeling that you mite be struggling with depression; my son and I think that he mite be struggling with that too, but he hasn't gotten checked for it yet.
I can't diagnose you, but I would try to get it checked out. I am thinking about trying to encourage my son to seek help. There is a clinic down the street from us that has a mental health program that works with people as far a money goes--and they also help people get public assistance if they want it and need it. Perhaps you can see if there is a place like that in your area? I would definatly at least try to check it out.
Depression can be a b***h, and other people don't understand what it's like, and we tend to be very hard on ourselves.