[kvpm]

Well, I just spent 10 minutes writing a post and then accidentally deleted it, which made me even more upset than I was. I woke up depressed and anxious. I think this episode is being triggered by my hormones (though it happens other times), but I'm not sure. I feel like I ought to go outside and do something but I'm afraid I'll end up in middle of the garden center having a meltdown and crying in public. Staying home isn't any less stressful because I have a 10 year old daughter and I'm married and I don't want them to see how low I feel. I am seeing a psychiatrist and my minister once a week, but I've only been on the newest antidepressant for a week, so I know it's doing whatever it's going to do yet. I just feel so helpless because I can't just make my low feelings stop, and even if I can figure out some way to make them stop, I know they'll just come back...so I feel hopeless that I'll ever feel better for more than a couple days at a time. I saw a non-medical therapist for over a year before I started seeing this psychiatrist, and she taught me so much about my psychological issues that stemmed from my childhood, but she wasn't able to fix my depression and anxiety, which is why I'm seeing the psychiatrist now. I just get tired of feeling this way and working so hard on myself to "get better" and and then end up feeling this low again. I'm extremely proactive about my depression, but it still comes back, which is very frustrating and doesn't help with my low times.

I understand completely what you're saying. It's going to take a couple of weeks for your new medications to kick in. In the meantime, try a little trick I have that helps the feeling tone:

Squeeze 1 or 2 lemons into about 6-8 oz of water and drink it. If, in 4 hours your feeling tone is not much better, repeat the process. That usually works for some of us and it works by creating a much calmer, quiet feeling-tone. I think you'll like it if you try it.

Also, try meditation. I find that vey helpful when the emotions rear their heads! Keeping a calm, quiet atmosphere inside yourself is so important.

The lowly little lemon is my recipe for calming us.

Take care.