[lonelyemotionalgirl]

I know there is something wrong with me, but I do not really know what is wrong, or how to make it better. I do know that I have anxiety, panic attacks, anger issues, and OCD. My old therapist helped me with these problems, and a couple of years ago I thought I was getting better. Lately, I feel that I am constantly getting worse, and that more problems are arising.

First, I feel that I am unable to focus at times. I often find it more difficult to focus in the morning and the early afternoon, and I feel like my eyes cannot focus on anything. I have been having trouble driving, and even looking at someone for more than a few seconds. I do feel exhausted and wonder if that is the problem, but why do I always feel so... spacey?

Second, I work multiple jobs, but I do not feel wanted or useful at any of the jobs. At one job, my manager never schedules me when I am available, and I always have to find people to cover my shifts or switch shifts. When I am working at that job, most people are mean to be and make comments about me. At another job, many of my coworkers act like I do not know what I am doing, but when the manager comes over, I am the one doing it right. I just always feel like I am in the way. I even feel like I am a burden for my family, because I feel that I take out my emotions and frustrations on them, and then they do not want to spend time with me or listen to me.

Third, I am stuck in childhood, and sometimes it worries me. I did not stop believing in Santa Claus until I was a teenager, and I wish I never stopped believing. I do not have many friends my own age. I am almost finished with college, and I have never been to a "party" before. I still watch the Disney Channel on the tv, and do not have interest in more adult shows. I often wish I had someone to play board games with, and when I do not have anyone else to talk to, I talk to my stuffed animals. I have also talked to myself since I was a kid. Sometimes, I rub my own head to calm myself down when nobody else is around. I also enjoy drinking juice boxes, and eating "kid stuff." I feel like I never really grew up. I do have times when act like an adult, but I would rather be a kid, play games, and have fun. I have been working for six years, and I enjoy working, but sometimes I feel like I am a kid mentally.

Fourth, I get really emotional easily. I am very sensitive to anyone yelling, or anyone telling me what to do. I feel like a child who cries when the parent says no. If a teacher, parent, manager, or coworker tells me that I am wrong or says no, or even says "Do this," I feel hurt. I do not cry in front of people, but I am always upset at the end of the night.

Fifth, I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of falling asleep sometimes, because I get nervous that I am going to suffocate. I am also afraid of death. I am also afraid of standing up for myself.

Sixth, I often have anger outbursts for random reasons. These outbursts normally happen when I am alone or with my family, but occasionally flare up at work and I have to go into the bathroom. When I am angry, I scream, and I kick things, throw things, rip things, and punch things uncontrollably from ten to thirty seconds. It really scares me, and I am trying to gain more control over the problems.

I just do not know what to do. I eat healthy, I exercise, I drink plenty of water, and I work really hard. I have a fiance who loves and cares about me very much, and a couple of nice friends. I just feel like I am going crazy, and like I do not know anything anymore. I was molested a couple of years ago, and sometimes I wonder if that is why things started to get worse. I really need someone to talk to, and I really need some advice. I do not go to the therapist anymore, but I may need to find a new one for the future. I would rather have some feedback on here first, because I want to know how to feel just a little bit better. It really sucks to wake up depressed every day, wondering when things will finally get better.

[tinyrabbit]

It sounds like you haven't dealt with some difficult experiences from your past. What made you stop going to therapy?

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

It sounds like you haven't dealt with some difficult experiences from your past. What made you stop going to therapy?

My therapist was really nice, but he really only helped me with my anger and anxiety issues. He helped me with my breathing techniques, and helped me through panic attacks. After we talked about me being molested, I did not feel comfortable going there anymore, and I figured I was going to be okay because my anxiety was getting better. Over time, everything is starting to get worse again. If I do see a therapist in the future, maybe I should see a female this time.

[tinyrabbit]

It sounds like you made a good start, but the things you experienced - and didn't work through in T - are bothering you. It does sound like going back might help, but it would need to be someone you feel comfortable talking to.

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

It sounds like you made a good start, but the things you experienced - and didn't work through in T - are bothering you. It does sound like going back might help, but it would need to be someone you feel comfortable talking to.

Do you think I should go to a therapist? And is there any other way to make things better?

[wheezing110]

awwww im so sorry to hear about your troubles? i know what its like having some mean co workers. and you should definitely look a different therapist who can help you.. I am like you i am also very emotional and easily get upset when being yelled at and scolded, as i am dealing with that sort of environment all the time lately . but i am here to talk if you need it. goood luck and you are not alone, lots of good people on this site.

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

Originally Posted by wheezing110

awwww im so sorry to hear about your troubles? i know what its like having some mean co workers. and you should definitely look a different therapist who can help you.. I am like you i am also very emotional and easily get upset when being yelled at and scolded, as i am dealing with that sort of environment all the time lately . but i am here to talk if you need it. goood luck and you are not alone, lots of good people on this site.

Thank you for your advice. How do you deal with being yelled at and scolded?

[montanan4ever]

It sounds like you could really benefit from getting back into therapy. If you don't feel okay about going back to your previous therapist, perhaps a new one would be a good idea.

A good therapist is the answer, I think, to get you started on a new road to maturity.

Good wishes.

[RJ78]

Yep, going to a therapist would be helpful, and female one sounds like a good idea. Are you currently taking any meds, seeing a physician or psychiatrist may provide some relief when it comes to constantly questioning your "sanity". We all question it, it's one of the symptoms of depression, so remember that you're not alone in feeling the way you do!

RJ

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

Originally Posted by RJ78

Yep, going to a therapist would be helpful, and female one sounds like a good idea. Are you currently taking any meds, seeing a physician or psychiatrist may provide some relief when it comes to constantly questioning your "sanity". We all question it, it's one of the symptoms of depression, so remember that you're not alone in feeling the way you do!

RJ

No, I am not currently taking any medications, and I do not plan on taking medications. My doctor had me try an anxiety pill in the past, and it made me crazy. I have a small body, and I do not handle medications well. As far as a therapist, I think a female therapist will be a good idea.

[Travelinglady]

I've always picked female therapists. I guess I think they're generally more sensitive and better able to pick up on emotions, for one thing. ( I'm sexist, to some extent. )