[rockabyebaby]

I've never been formally diagnosed, but I've been feeling so down and low the past few weeks. I was reading some stuff online and that's how I came across this forum. I've never gone to therapy I've always felt so stupid that I need help to feel better. I've been suicidal before and even attempted and almost succeeded about 5 years ago. I didn't have to talk to anyone about that attempt because I was able to blame my headaches. I told the doctor that I had such a bad migraine that I didnt realize how many pills I had taken. That's my excuse when its too hard to cope or to keep up appearances that everything is ok. Blame the headaches/migraines. It explains why I have no energy and why I stay up in my bed all day. Things have gotten so bad again this past week that the feeling of not wanting to do it anymore has become so overwhelming. I know I need help but I don't know how to make that first step. I've never been to therapy and trying to find someone to talk to has me so scared that I'm not sure how to even start. The feeling that I don't need/want to involve anyone else, that its my problem and need to snap it had me chickening out every time. Im so lost.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Rockabyebaby. You posted here, and that's a start. It would be OK for you to call a crisis line and tell them you think you need help, are very hesitant to ask for help and don't know where to start.

I understand you may be too anxious or fearful to call anyone. In any case, please keep posting and searching the forums. You've an excellent chance at finding others with similar issues.