normal?

You know, in depression, they say it's best if you have a good support system.

Why is it that I am always ready to help others, but in times of me being sad, lonely, hopeless, ... suicidal, why is it that I shy away from the hands that stretch towards me?

Anyone else feels this way, in a sense that they are hesitant about sharing with others?

When I'm depressed, it can be very difficult to see the love and support that is offered. And I did push a lot of that love away.

There are several forms of depression, but the "anger turned inward" type finds it especially difficult to receive love.

Reaching out when you are depressed is hard. In order for a therapist to help you, you have to talk about things that hurt. The fear of opening those doors in your head and unleashing a monster can stop you from reaching out.

I tend to put off telling my one good friend or asking for help. After forty years of battling depression and some other things, I'm afraid to see a therapist because there are doors in my head that need to stay closed. If they were opened, I might not make it back.

Your fear is completely understandable. Your subconscious is trying to protect your emotional self. The only problem is that your emotional self needs to open up to someone who can help you. Most people are nervous or frightened the first time they have to see a therapist. You don't know what to expect or what they will do. You aren't alone in your fears. This is a good place to start because you aren't face to face with a person. We just don't have the ability to help you find your way out of the depression.

Sam2