haven't been in in a while

everything seemed to be going so well. my roof feels like it is caving in. my husband is getting distant, money is short, so much going on and he has layed even more on me. 4 kids, homeschooling soon, babysitting, and now i need to get a second job in the evenings? i keep saying i can do it because i'm a fighter, i refuse to cry in front of him. that just makes him mad. something has to give, he should be looking for the second job but he won't even try. i'm so overwhelmed and sad, can't sleep, can't eat, and now the tears. i don't want to sink, cave in. i want to be strong for the people around me, my kids. they are everything. i know i need to take care of myself but that just takes too much energy. i don't think there is anymore left in me. i won't let it fall apart, i can't. i just keep taking my meds, keep trying. i hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally. how do i tell him i need help without him getting pissed. it always gets so much worse when he gets mad, he doesn't hit or anything like that but he yells and it feels like it. i can't let him see me cry.

(((((((((((((steph2133))))))))))))))

Hi Steph,
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. It sounds to me he's frustrated and angry because he may be feeling like a failure.
Can you cry to someone else,IRL, about it? Or you can keep coming here. I don't know if it's the same for you but we're here if you need to vent.
(((((((steph)))))))
Hang in there. You are a fighter. You should be so proud of yourself, you're doing a great job. Give yourself a pat on the back and a smile in the mirror.