[jean17]

I just spent about 3 hours with my sister whom I love. But getting through those 3 hours was horride. I couldn't wait for her to leave;was actually praying for her to go. I am just a mess. I feel like my nerves are fried. I just want to go into melt-down mode.

Why is it so hard to be with her? I feel so nervous, so tongue-tied, so uptight. I just want her visit to be over so that I can be alone again. I can't cope with the intimacy. She doesn't pressure me at all. She's calm and understanding and loving and carries on 99% of the conversation. It's not her. It's me. I just can't cope with being with her or my other sister for that matter. What is wrong with me? Why are these primary relationships so fraught with fear and danger?

[adam_k]

Depression makes it difficult to talk and be around people. Every fiber in my being wants me to be alone and isolated when I get depressed. It is hard put on a smile and seem somewhat normal for a few hours. I dread going to work sometimes. When I feel down it is difficult to concentrate, and it is difficult to look ok. I think we need people in our lives we can feel sadness with and people to support us and tell us thing will be ok.

[gracez]

Hi Jean,

I'm glad you posted and hope you're feeling better now after the visit. It's so horrible feeling this way. Since I've been depressed the past 8 mos., I try as much as I can to stay out of the way of any social situations. Of course I'm lonely too. So I understand what it's like, it's the same for most people with depression is what I'm hearing.

It kind of gives you more pain doesn't it, when you're in pain, and then having to be around people makes you more anxious?

You're lucky that you can be around someone like your sister with whom there's a lot of love. It sounds like you're "close" even though she doesn't experience depression and so doesn't have direct knowledge of your situation.

I'm wondering if you think there's any solution? I'm trying to brainstorm here. Is there a way that it could be relaxing for you to be around your sister, since she has strong love for you. Does she know that you're feeling bad in general? Does she know that you just want to lay around the house alone, and feel anxious being around others?

xxx Grace