[ThisWayOut]

Every time I think I get a handle on things, it falls apart. I don't know what else to do to keep things from continually falling apart... every time I think I have it under control, and can get back to doing something meaningful in my life, the depression rears it's ugly head and I'm back to the figurative beginning (struggling to find the motivation to keep going with the daily grind). It's gotten so much worse (more pronounced) since I moved back here. But something (aside of the lack of money to move back) has me feeling trapped here. Am I just punishing myself? I actively resist moving back to my home state, but I am not sure why (I no longer consider this my home state)... I was more stable for a while up there. I had a job and a life... here, I struggle to make ends meet, and my wife is miserable... yet I don't want to leave.
Every time I feel like I can make gains here, I crumble again. I have not had such a difficult time in years... My bouts of depression come in quick succession (gone for only a few short weeks). I feel like I'm totally flailing here. Treatment options are slim to none. I go to therapy, but it doesn't seem to do much when I'm feeling balanced, and barely keeps me going when I'm not. Medications are not an option, as I have tried many, many, many of them and was never as bad as when I was on them... I want to make meaningful strides in therapy, but i have no idea how... I'm doing groups, individual, dbt (again)... I'm at a loss. I have no insurance or income, so other treatment options suck... I hate this...

[dg1983]

Hey there,

I was wondering what about your old home state made you leave? It seems like there is a reason why you don't want to go back, although you may not consciously know what it is?

[ThisWayOut]

lack of money and lack of place to live with the 3 dogs... I miss it. /but can't figure out why I don't feel ready to go back yet.