[Missy_H]

Forgive me for this long post. I need to vent...

So today I'm really upset. My depression has gotten to the point where I recently had to move back in with my parents (which is an embarrassing for a woman in her late 20s to do) and I'm really struggling with every day activities. I live in a small town so there are no therapists or psychiatrists nearby, and I can't drive anywhere because I don't have a car (I never needed one in the city). But nevertheless, I thought moving back in with my parents would do me good, because they have always been great parents, and I thought the country and fresh air would do me good.

Boy, was I wrong!

My dad refuses to acknowledge my depression. He has never spoken about it and goes silent whenever my mom or I bring it up. I don't know what his exact problem with it is, but he basically thinks I'm just being lazy and that all my problems will be fixed if I just got a job. (oh, if only it was that easy!)

My mom is understanding...ONLY WHEN IT SUITS HER. She was depressed in her teens when her parents died, but she said she got over it in a few months and has had a good life since. So sometimes she understands me and why I'm so unhappy and unmotivated, and other times she refuses to understand why I can't just "get better" like she did. Ugghhh it's so annoying.

And I know I'm a burden to them. I struggle with getting out of the bed, let alone doing any chores. I can't cook very well, and I get very sleepy on my medication so I don't like cooking anyway (I'm terrified of falling asleep and accidentally setting the house on fire). So to make up for this I pay them rent and pay for their groceries even though I can't really afford it (due to my lack of job), and I look after their pets (including buying their food and paying for vet bills)...yet this is never enough for them. They are costantly accusing me of being lazy and never helping them around the house, even though I have explained to them why I have trouble with housework. They just scoff and call me lazy. Like I said, mom understands my depression only when it suits her. Dad doesn't understand it at all.

I've even asked them to help me out with my depression. I just ask for simple things like: Wake me up if I'm not up before 8am (they get up at 7am), leave my door open in the morning, remind me to take my medication, etc. Yet they won't even do these things for me. They think I'm "too demanding". I don't think I am? I just want a little bit of help, y'know...a little support can make all the difference. Sometimes I'll sleep for over 14 hours (I often sleep through my alarm) and nobody will wake me up. Nobody thinks to shake my shoulder, or leave my door open, or even open my drapes. They just scold me when I finally DO wake up, and tell me I'm being lazy. I hate sleeping in like that, yet nobody is willing to help me out. It makes me so upset.

There are other weird things too...Ever since I've been taking medication, the smell of mince meat has made me nauseous. And even though my parents know this, they've been making things like stir fry, chow mein and mince pies almost every night for dinner. And I can't eat it because it makes me sick. So I have to make my own dinner, which is hard because I have no motivation and I get so sleepy. Sometimes I'll just skip a meal because I already feel too sick (from the smell of their meals) or tired (due to my medication). And it's frustrating because they never used to make these sorts of dinners when I was a child and a teen. So why now? Do they want to piss me off? Or am I just being paranoid?

Tonight was really bad. My parents were yelling and swearing at something on the news tonight, so I came out of my room and asked them to be quiet because I have a migraine...AND OH MY GOD, THE **** HIT THE FAN. I don't even know what I did wrong. Did I sound angry or rude? I don't know. But my dad told me to "Shut the **** up" and mom (as usual) backed him up. She's always been like that: Dad can do no wrong, because he's a man and "that's just what men are like". So an argument started. My dad was calling me all sorts of horrible names, and I told him that I'm tired of his ******** and how little he cares about me. And that I'm tired of mom always backing him up, etc. etc.

And they know I've been in pain the last few days: I pulled a muscle in my back and tore a ligament in my shoulder, and the pain has been causing me migraines. Yet they still yell and scream at the TV (and at each other) like lunatics. They don't care that I've been unwell. I even said I was in pain, and dad scoffed at me and called me a liar. So it's ok for him to CONSTANTLY complain about the pain in his shoulder and legs...but I'm in pain for two whole days and apparently I'm a liar who's seeking attention?!! WTF??
I told him to stop being a "****ing asshole", and he said "I'll put you in some real ****ing pain if you speak to me like that!" Like, really? You're threatening your daughter now? Jesus...

And as I'm typing this, my mom came into my room to tell me to apologize to dad for calling him an asshole. Excuse me?!! He threatened me with physical violence, and I'M the one who has to apologize?!! Oh, but I guess it's ok, because (in her words) "he doesn't mean what he says. He's just a man and men are like that". I just burst into tears and told her to go away.

I'm so angry and frustrated and living with my parents is turning me into someone I don't want to be. The constant negativity and arguments are making my depression so, so, SO much worse. But I can't move out because I have no friends, no job to sustain myself, and I don't trust myself to live on my own anyway because my depression has gotten so bad. But I'm so tired of my parents being insensitive and arguing all the time (with me and with each other). I just want it to stop. I just want them to care and be a little more considerate. I just want them to help me out a bit when I'm having bad days. Am I asking too much? Being too needy? Am I a horrible person?

Hi Missy_H, we are in a very similar situation and unfortunately I do not know how you could solve your conflicts with your parents. I have tried to make mine understand that what is going on with me is not laziness or a personality defect but I gave up. I think when you have depression your energy is already so limited that you should conserve it for things that are worth it, don't waste your energy on trying to convince your parents. You are there to get better and although the situation is less then optimal, you have to try to do what you can with the things available to you. You could start very small but do the things you propose yourself to do religiously and with the time increase the difficulty level. For instance, you could force yourself out of the house everyday for a quick walk, or do exercises for 5-10 mins a day.
You mentioned you live in a rural area. I'm thinking you could look around and see if someone needs a dog sitter for instance..that way you would have to force yourself to get outside and get some fresh air and relaxation time with a dog. Or another thing you could try out is volunteer in your community. Even if you aren't religious, you could still go to the local church just to be around people and get into a more calm state of mind. The church often has free counseling services you could benefit from. Again, it might not be your thing but I think it's helpful just to get out of the situation going on at home. Other than that you can post here and get in touch with other depression sufferers. You could try online counseling and profit from other online depression resources. If you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to pm me. I hope things get better for you

[Pierro]

Hello Missy, it's very difficult for you when your parents dont understand whats going on with you. Is there anyone that you know in the area, as its your family home maybe you have friends that are still working in the area that you could look up. You need to talk to somebody and its such a relief when you can do that. Im so sorry that your parents aren't helping you with your illness, bu to be honest parents can grate on you as you get older. Keep posting. Best wishes

[happy 2 b here]

Originally Posted by Missy_H

Forgive me for this long post. I need to vent...

So today I'm really upset. My depression has gotten to the point where I recently had to move back in with my parents (which is an embarrassing for a woman in her late 20s to do) and I'm really struggling with every day activities. I live in a small town so there are no therapists or psychiatrists nearby, and I can't drive anywhere because I don't have a car (I never needed one in the city). But nevertheless, I thought moving back in with my parents would do me good, because they have always been great parents, and I thought the country and fresh air would do me good.

Boy, was I wrong!

My dad refuses to acknowledge my depression. He has never spoken about it and goes silent whenever my mom or I bring it up. I don't know what his exact problem with it is, but he basically thinks I'm just being lazy and that all my problems will be fixed if I just got a job. (oh, if only it was that easy!)

My mom is understanding...ONLY WHEN IT SUITS HER. She was depressed in her teens when her parents died, but she said she got over it in a few months and has had a good life since. So sometimes she understands me and why I'm so unhappy and unmotivated, and other times she refuses to understand why I can't just "get better" like she did. Ugghhh it's so annoying.

And I know I'm a burden to them. I struggle with getting out of the bed, let alone doing any chores. I can't cook very well, and I get very sleepy on my medication so I don't like cooking anyway (I'm terrified of falling asleep and accidentally setting the house on fire). So to make up for this I pay them rent and pay for their groceries even though I can't really afford it (due to my lack of job), and I look after their pets (including buying their food and paying for vet bills)...yet this is never enough for them. They are costantly accusing me of being lazy and never helping them around the house, even though I have explained to them why I have trouble with housework. They just scoff and call me lazy. Like I said, mom understands my depression only when it suits her. Dad doesn't understand it at all.

I've even asked them to help me out with my depression. I just ask for simple things like: Wake me up if I'm not up before 8am (they get up at 7am), leave my door open in the morning, remind me to take my medication, etc. Yet they won't even do these things for me. They think I'm "too demanding". I don't think I am? I just want a little bit of help, y'know...a little support can make all the difference. Sometimes I'll sleep for over 14 hours (I often sleep through my alarm) and nobody will wake me up. Nobody thinks to shake my shoulder, or leave my door open, or even open my drapes. They just scold me when I finally DO wake up, and tell me I'm being lazy. I hate sleeping in like that, yet nobody is willing to help me out. It makes me so upset.

There are other weird things too...Ever since I've been taking medication, the smell of mince meat has made me nauseous. And even though my parents know this, they've been making things like stir fry, chow mein and mince pies almost every night for dinner. And I can't eat it because it makes me sick. So I have to make my own dinner, which is hard because I have no motivation and I get so sleepy. Sometimes I'll just skip a meal because I already feel too sick (from the smell of their meals) or tired (due to my medication). And it's frustrating because they never used to make these sorts of dinners when I was a child and a teen. So why now? Do they want to piss me off? Or am I just being paranoid?

Tonight was really bad. My parents were yelling and swearing at something on the news tonight, so I came out of my room and asked them to be quiet because I have a migraine...AND OH MY GOD, THE **** HIT THE FAN. I don't even know what I did wrong. Did I sound angry or rude? I don't know. But my dad told me to "Shut the **** up" and mom (as usual) backed him up. She's always been like that: Dad can do no wrong, because he's a man and "that's just what men are like". So an argument started. My dad was calling me all sorts of horrible names, and I told him that I'm tired of his ******** and how little he cares about me. And that I'm tired of mom always backing him up, etc. etc.

And they know I've been in pain the last few days: I pulled a muscle in my back and tore a ligament in my shoulder, and the pain has been causing me migraines. Yet they still yell and scream at the TV (and at each other) like lunatics. They don't care that I've been unwell. I even said I was in pain, and dad scoffed at me and called me a liar. So it's ok for him to CONSTANTLY complain about the pain in his shoulder and legs...but I'm in pain for two whole days and apparently I'm a liar who's seeking attention?!! WTF??
I told him to stop being a "****ing asshole", and he said "I'll put you in some real ****ing pain if you speak to me like that!" Like, really? You're threatening your daughter now? Jesus...

And as I'm typing this, my mom came into my room to tell me to apologize to dad for calling him an asshole. Excuse me?!! He threatened me with physical violence, and I'M the one who has to apologize?!! Oh, but I guess it's ok, because (in her words) "he doesn't mean what he says. He's just a man and men are like that". I just burst into tears and told her to go away.

I'm so angry and frustrated and living with my parents is turning me into someone I don't want to be. The constant negativity and arguments are making my depression so, so, SO much worse. But I can't move out because I have no friends, no job to sustain myself, and I don't trust myself to live on my own anyway because my depression has gotten so bad. But I'm so tired of my parents being insensitive and arguing all the time (with me and with each other). I just want it to stop. I just want them to care and be a little more considerate. I just want them to help me out a bit when I'm having bad days. Am I asking too much? Being too needy? Am I a horrible person?

Hi Missy

So sorry that you are struggling even more now that you are living back home. It seems that your situation has been worse, not better as you had hoped. Do you currently have a doctor in your town -- as you are getting medication? Would talking to him/her help your situation, as your depression is getting worse, and seems like med is not helping. Perhaps you need to change your med -- that is a start -- don't live with the fact that it is getting worse. Also let your doctor know that the med you are on right now, makes you sleepy -- could prescribe something else that would keep you from getting drowsy. Is there any kind of mental health support agency in your town, or even close by that you could get to by public transit. As I don't know where you live, that may not be possible

I have lived with depression for 45+ years, In my family, I know this is genetic. I have been on and off med. all my life, and probably will be, as I have chronic depression -- will always be there. Your mum had depression -- do you think others in your family have it as well. Just a thought

Hope I have been of some help

[happy 2 b here]

Hi Missy

How are you feeling tonight -- just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and sending you wishes for a peaceful night