[mischavalentine]

I'm not sure if I should post here or even if I'm allowed to yet...
I'm not sure of anything these days.

But, 6 months ago everything I was fell apart, well it might have started earlier since I was in a emotionally abusive relationship for 5years.
1 Dec 2012 I was in Namibia for a wedding and I got the call that my dad had passed - he was fine when I left!
He was never sick, in fact I think he was healthier than me and on that day just *poof* and he's gone. I had to find the first flight back to South Africa and take the 200km drive to the airport, all the way I cried and hated myself for leaving for that stupid wedding... while my (ex) fiancee screamed at me for being overly sensitive and that I should man up.
My (ex) fiance didn't attend the funeral because he had to "work" later I found out he didn't go with me because he was with his 20year old mistress.

In January 2013 he was in Nigeria for work and sent me a text to say that it's over and I should move out ASAP.
He came back a week later and the mistress moved in the same day.
I was left with nothing, I have a job that pays R3000 a month ($300) there's no money for rent, he paid half of the new flat's rent after a huge fight and I thought he owed me at least that.
He paid 2months and stopped because the mistress doesn't like him paying for me.
Once again I'm homeless, my mom doesn't earn much either and now I'm forced to live with her and my brother in their ridiculously small 2 bedroom apartment sharing a bed and room with my mom.

I applied for over 140 jobs ... nevermind this is getting to long.
Point is I've lost everything and no one lifts a finger to help, all my friends left with my ex and my mom and brother think that I'm being stupid...

Last night I walked to the bridge and just stood there, I just looked at the cars as they passed underneath and thought of how it would feel ...
4 people stopped and started shouting at me, the girl called me an idiot who self-pities, I asked her if she knew me, if she had any idea... and she slapped me in the face 3 times I think. They all stood there swearing at me...

What am I? Where to from here? I'm so tired... so very tired.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Mischavalentine!

Originally Posted by mischavalentine

They all stood there swearing at me...

They must belong to the berate-the-depressed-until-they-start-to-feel-better school of psychology.

So many things weigh on you:

• grief
• emotional abuse
• betrayal
• abandonment
• poverty
• denigration

Any one of those could drag you into depression. First, do you feel safe?
Befrienders Worldwide - South Africa

[lostinbooks]

What the Hell is wrong with those people!!!! I want to fly there and smack the woman who slapped you!

[bharani1008]

You have every right to be upset!!!! It's too bad what you are going through. Like Rohag said, any one of those issues could cause depression.
It's so sad that you lost your Dad. Don't for a minute feel guilty though. You did nothing wrong. He wouldn't want you to do that.
For right now, stop, take a breath, relax and just quietly go through your to-do list for getting back on your feet. Try to see a counselor and get some direction as to how you can improve your situation.
I'm sending all the good wishes to you.
Good luck

[A Red Panda]

*hugs* The way you are feeling is perfectly legitimate. That's a lot to have happen in a short amount of time. I'm so sorry that those random strangers were so horrible to you!!! You made a good choice to come to a community like this to find some support... support is always a good thing. Is there any way that you could find some support in the town/city that you live in?