[elmomills]

Hi there,

I've never done this before but after visiting the original Psych Central site I found some solace for my problems in other peoples responses, but I'm still feeling worried about my own individual issues. Please forgive me for how long this post is going to be, its just that there is quite a timeline to what I've gone through.

I'm a university student currently studying Biochemistry in my third year. These problems have proved additionally problematic since I am supposed to be doing my finals right now, but have had to postpone them because of the severe anxiety I've been feeling. My housemates and I have for the past year and a half been using cannabis, starting as a fairly semi-regular habit to becoming an obligatory part of every day. I've never had any problems or bad experiences whilst using cannabis at all until this one episode, and has always been something I supported and defended under accusations of being harmful, dangerous, etc. One night in mid-february I was just about to go to bed, and begun having very acute anxiety surrounding being trapped within certain time periods, or at least feeling like I was stuck in various mood-scapes I have experienced for a while (writing this I understand that may not make sense, but its not too central to this point). The most prominent idea that I can link to what I was feeling was a realisation that the universe at a very relative level exists first of all within your own mind, and even though that seems fairly obvious, I was previously always very willing to accept life and my perspective as the uniform standard. This could also be interpreted as, thinking the world revolved around me, which thinking about it is possibly the way I used to think, which could tot this whole experience up to 'growing up' which I wouldn't necessarily mind :P. But it seems to be affecting me in a far more sinister manner than I think is normal, with this experience leading onto ideas of solopsism, which carried with it obvious and very intense feelings of paranoia.

I have however partially dealt with those feelings, but as of recently my over-thinking tendencies have taken a far more sinister turn. It begun with me questioning how I understand things, as a prime example, people talking to me, how does my brain know what they're saying and how do I understand and know what to say back to them. This has led to, as stupid as it sounds, a fear of my own imagination, possibly relating to the intense fear I felt surrounding the ideas of the world not existing outside of my own imagination on that bad cannabis induced trip. It has now grown to me being scared of my own consciousness, wondering why I am able to understand things, who am I, why am I here, all very existential arguments, but they are sending me into panic, and I worry that I am in some way rejecting reality, and one day it'll all just snap, and I'll become some sort of vegetable or jellyfish like entity (pardon me for the crudeness of that analogy)

I'm really sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place or if I shouldn't even be posting here, I just don't know what to do, and was really hoping someone had some advice for me, since these thought patterns have led me into a very suicidal avenue which I can't bare thinking about.

Thank you so much for any help.

[Gus1234U]

all things that arise pass away: that is one of the most profound insights i have ever had. if you can focus on hanging on, enduring, perservering, not looking at the "bad stuff" for a while, it will (almost certainly) recede, and dwindle and then it will be small potatoes.

in the mean time, when you are panicked, try these management skills:
1) focus on your breathing,,, slow and deep (if you are panting, use a paper bag to breathe into)
2) count your breaths, 1001,, 1002,,, 1003,,, 1004,, and count slower and slower,,, this will slow your heartbeat
3) delay doing anything, even movement, unless you are one of those people who finds movement calming
4) distract yourself from your thoughts by reading anything in sight, cereal boxes, magazines, any thing light and frivolous, or listening to music, what ever works for you
5) get something nutritious to eat, a granola bar, an apple, anything that is sweet (you burn a lot of adrenalin having a panic attack)
6) take a break, get away from where you were when you were having the panic attack,, change rooms, change chairs,, change something so your body will understand that the "bad thing" is over, gone, no more....

these are the skills i learned and used to live thru some pretty horrific panic attacks, and later, deep anxieties. hope they are of use to you ~
Gus

[Neptune83]

I can totally relate to what you've said. I started questioning the worlds existence, my existence, everyone else's etc a long time ago. I don't remember why, although I do remember one time (I used to use cannabis, I don't remember if I was at this precise time) when a friend of mine was studying philosophy and was telling me about philosophers theories like we could all be just brains in jars and such. This played on my mind an awful lot. Thinking about the universe plays on my mind, I find it hard to imagine it, never ending. I wonder why we're all here, what's it all about? Do we actually have a purpose that we're unaware of? Is there such thing as fate? Is there even a reality or is it all made up?
Sometimes the words I speak don't seem real, thoughts don't seem real. It's really weird! I can't really explain it.
I don't really have any advice, apart from maybe not using cannabis (if you still do) and see if that makes any difference, perhaps see a counsellor? They can help you see things in a clearer light. Maybe the cannabis triggered something off, or maybe it would have ended up like this anyway, who knows. But I would give it a miss for now, I know I began to suffer quite badly with anxiety when using it before, it never used to do this but it did a few years back so I stopped and never did it since. Obviously I don't get cannabis induced anxiety/panic, but I do still suffer with anxiety and always have even before using it. All I can say to that is its playing Russian roulette with your mind, because its not regulated here, you never know what you're getting.
Sorry I'm not more helpful to you, I do hope you can find a way to deal with this. I'm here if you want to talk

[elmomills]

Hello again,

Thank you both for your fantastic responses. Thanks Gus for the tips with navigating the website, you're right I've only been on here for about 24 hours, so I'm still feeling my way around it, but its a terrific site with fantastic people like you. Those stress techniques are great, I've always been slightly highly strung, and do always tend to over-think and inflate fairly rudimentary things into very large seemingly unmanageable things in my mind, so this is great general advice for me.

Neptune, thanks very much for reflecting my feelings, a great help since thinking about all this sort of stuff can make you feel very alone and it can be sincerely overwhelming. I have been seeing a councilor for a few weeks now and she's great, and I've also been to see a psychiatrist yesterday who's prescribed me some things, but even though I haven't used cannabis since February, I have been hearing that it can take some time for it to completely leave your system and to release its influences on your mind, so I'm just hoping that it does.

Thanks again guys, I hope everything's going well for you in your own personal lives, and thanks for being so friendly and welcoming

[Neptune83]

You're very welcome
I believe cannabis can take around 3 months to leave your system, but it depends how heavy the use was. It's going to take time to adjust, for your mind especially because it hooks you mentally rather than physically. I think it can make you feel detached from reality, you do tend to feel that when you're using it, or I did at least.
Glad you're seeing someone, it can be such a great help.