[angyl_amal]

I feel so lost and broken. I don't even remember how it feels to be truly and genuinely happy for more than just a couple hours at a time and going back behind the mask. I feel like I might break down completely if things don't change quickly. I'm already starting to be scared of myself after scratching my arm twice in three weeks (the last time before these was about a year ago). I've never done any full cuts yet and I don't think I'm considered an addict at the moment (knock on wood), but I'm still afraid. Afraid that I'll never feel happy again, afraid the pain will never heal, afraid I will never be with someone that truly loves me, afraid this pain will one day soon consume me completely...

[optimize990h]

You are not alone. I can write I feel this way from time to time, trying to reach achievable goals help me makes it through.

As for love, some days I truly believe it can be fulfilled by pets.

I have a public mask that drains so much energy out of me when I have to meet people.

As for the fear of becoming lost in the emotional pain, I cling to one thing that I can't quite believe that we all can be healed by something that is more powerful than any of us.

Take care.