[Poppy Princess]

Is the possibility of happiness worth the pain you have to go through. Sometimes I don't think it is.

[phaset]

I sure hope so.

[Virtus]

Of course it is! If you're unhappy now then try to figure out what would make you happy, make a plan for how to reach it and work hard to get there. Now I'm no expert on the subject and just a newbie here, but that's how I do it and at least it works for me.

[patchwork5]

Consider that the pain will likely come whether you are actively moving toward happiness or not so one might as well be trying to move toward happiness. Many of us are here because running from pain hasn't worked

I'm sorry you're feeling down lately. But I have to say yes, it will have been worth it

[adam_k]

I have to say yes. Having depression makes it seem like there is a bottomless pit of sadness. Feeling sad is pretty bad when you are going though it at the time. The hopelessness associated with depression makes it seem like this is life. Pain and misery. In my opinion it is a form of delusion. You delude yourself into thinking there is no way out, and the future seem hopeless.

I think the way out is to find out what is bothering you. Not always easy to do and sometimes it is a lot of things.

I would look at your basic needs and see if they are satsified. Food, shelter, clothing, personal safety. If all of these aren't meet than I can see how someone would feel really depressed.

Then start to look at secondary needs. Do you have people around you that care. Growing up in a dysfunctional family I didn't get a lot of feeling like I was cared about. I don't remember a lot from my childhood, but I do have a lot of memories playing by myself and dad was high on pills, passed out on the couch. Things like that can transcend you child hood and follow you into your adult years. In ability to make friends or establish healthy relationships. I think we need a sense of belonging in some fashion. For a lot of us that is having friends and family that help and care about us. Possible work can bring that too. I have a brother in law who is in the navy, and he has a lot of people he works with that he feels like are his brother's.

Without a feeling of belonging, you get feeling of loneiless and possible start losing self esteem. Myself I had really had self esteem. That is one of those things that you are suppossed to learn as a child and becomes part of you without thinking much of it. For me I was left out a lot as a child. Long story, but essential brother was favored a lot more than me and that made me not feel very good about myself.

For me, those to things contributed a lot to my depression. Feeling like I didn't belong, and feeling worthless about myself made me eventual stop trying.

There are also issues like trauma or abuse. Stuff like that can be a cause depression. I never had to deal with much of that, but for some people the things they went through are debilitating, so much so that they can't cope and sink into depression.

Then there are biological reasons. Some people are more susceptible to falling into depression than other. Bad things happen and they never quite rebound from it like most people.

Not knowing how to make it better gave me a lot of feelings of hopelessness. I remember a lot of times in my life when I felt whatever was on the other side can't possible be worth how much I hurt. That pain was a very real feeling. So much so I did a lot of self destructive things to cope, or tempt fate is more accurate. Not having my life together was a major contrubtor. I remember at one point I dropped out of high school, and just stayed in my room all day. Things got worse before they got better.

It wasn't until I started to have positive people in my life and started to set and achieve golas for myself until things got better. The depression was still there a little, but I felt a lot better about things. In my teens I don't think I could have imagined that. What it felt like to fall in love, get married, graduate college, work on some cool projects. In my teens all I knew was I felt bad everyday. Nothing had joy in it. For a while I think I was self harming everyday, just to numb it all and try to cope. I didn't know what was wrong in my life until I started working on my problems little by little and making improvements in my life. I still struggle, but I have hope that things won't he bad everyday. I have come to accept that I have depression and there will be some days that I get upset or down. For me the goal is to limit it to just some days, and not let it turn into most days or everyday like it was for me at one time.

[online user]

I agree with adam K--a life with pleasure is possible even after you have reached the depths of depression. Takes endurance and applying some energy, but hope is there.

Take it a bit at a time, like adam k suggests.

[bharani1008]

I'm not able to contribute much more than what has already been said. But-- happiness is worth the work! Don't think that you have to do it alone. Most people need help to manage their depression. I'm on medication and plan on staying on them. They make me so much better. If you can get a therapist then do it. Do whatever healthy thing it takes to feel better.
You have a lt of friends here. We're rooting for you

Im not a depressed person, but I do suffer from a PD. One of my issues is emotional range and happiness is definitely something I lack. I think for me medicine may be the only way as I do things I like but they are never enough to give me the happiness I am looking for. Like my Psychiatrist told me, realistically I will never have the full range but possibly happiness.

[sandysay]

The opposite of depression isn't happiness. It is not being depressed. Being able to experience happiness is another issue. When you have your depression under control, or it's not as intense, that in itself is a relief and feeling happiness isn't such a big concern.

[herethennow]

i understand where you're coming from as i sometimes feel like days and days of darkness for 1 hour of light.. is just not worth striving for.

but as sandysay said, it's not being happy that counts. it's about getting out of the depressed state that brings more relief as you're able to walk through your journey a bit more easily and thus is able to walk to a life of suitable contentment...

hope everything is going on okay for you

[Poppy Princess]

What would I be feeling if I wasn't depressed?

[herethennow]

i'm not sure of that really.. when i'm not depressed i'm actually not really feeling anything. that, to me, is already better than going back to the hole that always consumes me. because now i am able to think rationally rather than letting the depression talk to me.

are you okay?

[Poppy Princess]

I don't know if I want to be cured if the opposite is just nothing.

[adam_k]

When I am not feeling depressed I feel less emptiness. More motivation to try and achieve my goals. I feel like life has some type of meaning and significance. When I am depressed I often feel like there is nothing to life and it doesn't matter what happens. I can't feel joy or happiness when I am depressed. I do things and nothing feels good. When I am not down but feeling normal I can enjoy things and find pleasure.

To me it is like depression numbs all of the good stuff and intensifies negativity. I tend to sit in my own personal dark cloud when I am down without much hope of getting out of it. It takes a lot of effort to battle that and stay on the outside of the cloud.

[phaset]

I don't think being cured will lead to nothing, though maybe I am misunderstanding what you have written. I don't know if I know what normal feels like, but I know a few weeks ago I had a few hours where I genuinely felt happy for no reason. I hope that you'll get to feel something like that too.

In answer to your earlier question, if you weren't depressed I think you'd be feeling a normal range of emotions, good and bad, which would be much easier to deal with. I've asked myself the same question many times over the years and this is the best answer I have come up with. I used to think it was happy I was after, but I think I really meant normal.

I'm glad you keep posting.

[Poppy Princess]

I don't like normal. I think I'd rather be sad all the time then just feel okay.

[sandysay]

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

What would I be feeling if I wasn't depressed?

At my worst, I was bothered by thoughts about myself that weren't true. I am a failure. I am worthless. I am stupid. Everyone is judging me. I cried and cried because I felt such a deep and overwhelming sadness. To me, the world was black and white and it rained all the time and I couldn't imagine the colorful world with sun, which others lived in. I only slept for a few hours a day, but they were the only relief from my depression. I wanted to die to be free of it.

On meds, I feel okay. I no longer have the negative thoughts about myself. I can see the sun. I no longer want to die. It's not ideal, but I can live like this. I'll have many months where I'm a little better or worse, but nothing like my first years with depression. I describe it as different degrees of depression. This is my experience with it and doesn't mean that you won't know happpiness. It's just that the feeling of happiness is fleeting and is not the goal of getting to peace with depression.

[Inedible]

When you are at the bottom of a well it is dark and damp and the first thing to do is to get out of the well. Also, you can't really see very many possibilities from down there, with only the opening of the well to look up through. Something could be close by - sitting right next to the well - and you won't see it from the bottom. Worse, there might be a sort of roof set up to keep leaves and sticks and bird droppings from going into the well. So the first thing to do is to get out. Then you can look around properly and decide which way to go.

If you don't think happiness is an option then, you can still try for meaning and purpose. I felt them more satisfying anyway, speaking for myself.

[Poppy Princess]

But what's the point of purpose without happiness? What is that?

[allimsaying]

I think purpose brings satisfaction and fulfillment. To me that equals happiness.

[herethennow]

i guess what you have to do first is define happiness. your own personal view of happiness. i think everyone here has different definitions of happiness.. with that maybe you could work towards it as a goal? life will always be a roller coaster. it's just unfortunate that depression just keeps pulling us down.

hope things are ok for you dear. *hugs*

[gbflat]

i just cant imagine ever feelinng normal