Desperate for advice - what's the point?

Hi,
I am truly desperate for real information. I'm afraid that there isn't an answer to this problem, but I have to ask...

Here's my situation;
I've been receiving treatment for depression for over 8 years now. I see my therapist and psychiatrist regularly, I'm consistent with my meds, and have good relationships with my family and friends. I have hobbies, I'm in good health and have a great job.

Unfortunately, my life is still completely empty and I'm bored out of my mind.

I realize my boredom is not going attract any sympathy or merit much attention when compared to the other posts in this forum, but I'm absolutely horrified at the idea of having to live like this for another 50 years.

Everyone I know is married or in a relationship, most have children and other responsibilities. All I have is my cat. I'm constantly pestering my friends to go out or do something fun, but they are too busy with their families. I'm on a constant lookout for new friends and single women but have had little success.

Most weekends I spend alone, but not by choice. I do as much as I can to get out of the house, but eating out and going to the movies by yourself isn't much fun. I try to absorb myself in reading and hobbies, but I have a hard time concentrating on anything when I'm so lonely.

I dread the weekends and vacation time when I don't have the structure of work.
What do I do when it's Saturday night and I've called my entire list of friends and still have no one to spend time with? I'm not horribly shy, but I still can't walk into a social organization full of complete strangers and make friends. MySpace and Match.com haven't been much help either.

I'm not even sure what my point is anymore, but what should I do? I'm afraid that my response to any sort of generalized advice will be, "I tried it and it didn't work". I'm not just terrified about how lonely and bored I'll be next weekend, I'm terrified about how lonely and bored I'm going to be next year, and the year after that, and the year after that.....

So picture this; I'm sitting on my couch, I have absolutely nothing to do for the next 2 days, I've slept as much as I can, I've called everyone I know, I spent as much time as I can running errands and inventing pointless tasks for myself, I've read as much as I can concentrate on, I'm desperately wishing for monday morning to arrive so I can go to work. What should I do????????

What's the point of struggling through the lows of depression when I don't know how to live a normal life anyway?

Wow, a tough question. I'm not sure if any of us will be able to give you the answer or comfort you're needing at this time but do know that I and many others are here, waiting to be shoulder to lean on.

As for myself, I often find that I feel like the odd person out. I was married (now divorced) and have several children. Still, many times when I'm free, I have nothing to do and will end up in a bar, by myself (healthy, I'm not sure). It's depressing but I don't feel like I know how to relate to others, I always have this 'act' going on. I feel very alone but I just keep plugging away, telling myself, it's all in my head.

I don't have an answer but I can listen.....

I don't know, Brian. I wouldn't fight the loneliness quite so hard if I had to do it all again. Sit with it a bit and see what it has to "say" to you, maybe do a little journaling and get to know yourself better instead of always trying to get "away."

No one else can "live" your life, they're all on the outside. Make "friends" with yourself and it gets a bit less lonely. But I don't know how old you are. I was in my mid- to late-30s before I found my husband.

One of the two bigger things I like to think I've learned (at least it always looks like it from 20:20 hindsight :-) is that things constantly change, there is no standing still like it sometimes seems things do, and I can't know what's going to happen tomorrow (or in 10 minutes for that matter).

Learn to wonder a bit, to expect to be surprised. If I'm bored I sometimes just arbitrarily decide something interesting is going to happen "today" and then wait and watch, like it's a present around the next corner. Study synchronicity -- it can help heal boredom sometimes.

Perna, you have me taking notes!

volunteer there are hundreds of organizations that need YOU. be a Big Brother . work at a homeless shelter . mentor grade school students. joint habitat for humanity and learn how to build houses. foster a seeing eye dog and train it until it is ready to be professionally trained. go to nursing homes and visit the elderly.

Frozen Heart, get Thorton Wilder's book, "The Bridge of San Luis Rey" from the library and read it; it changed my life (still haunts me though I read it 30+ years ago).

Here's a good article on synchronicity: http://www.strangemag.com/mysteryofchance.html

If one can develop curiosity about people and things, life is almost always, or can become, interesting. I get bored but usually don't stay bored as me, myself and I :-) get to talking about little observations or ideas I get.

I'm left-handed. In college I noticed I had one shoelace that use to knot when I'd pull it, not the other. I did a survey of the others on my dorm floor, did their shoelaces knot when they untied them, were they left or right handed, had them tie my shoes for me (from the "back" and then from across from me and I did the same), trying to understand why that shoelace had problems (I didn't have a problem, the shoelace did :-) whether I tied it differently or what. Beats studying!

Staying interested, moment-to-moment in what's happening in and around me fights boredom for me and also makes me less lonely. I'm more apt to start conversations with store clerks, etc. and am too "busy" to remember I'm depressed, except in the middle of the night. . . (that's an ongoing project of the moment, how to combat the middle-of-the-night uglies).

What Pat says is wise...I'm really fond of Habitat for Humanity...just find out where they're working and head on out there on Saturday...you don't need to take anything except lunch (maybe).

I'm hard pressed to think of a better way to have a GREAT day and meet some wonderful folks. The best part is, you socialize while working, not while "socializing". And you help someone provide shelter for their family! What could be better?

DJ

Yes, I agree with volunteering. When I was at my lowest, I started going every other Saturday with my church to fee the homeless downtown. and the other Saturday I spent with the church hading out groceries to the needy.

Not only did I meet alot of people and do alot of socializing, I felt good about helping others.

Big Brothers is good way to make a difference in a young persons life too. My own son was kept from me by his father for 10 years, and during that time he had a big brother for a couple of years. It made a HUGE difference in his life and helped him be who he is today.

There are so many ways you can bring yourself out of this slump you are in.I don't think you are going to have to face this for the next 2 years or 50 years. I think you will find a way to get yourself out there doing something and meeting people. And one day you will find that special someone to go through your life with.

Wishing you the best!