I have had a pretty bad night sleep, constantly waking up. Got to the point where I gave up and just waited for morning to arrive. And here it is, 7am. Ended up cutting too. And it's because of a stupid thing at work. We have kids from local schools come do work experience with us. One a week throughout this month, and I'm responsible for them Wednesday-Friday every week. I really don't want to do it. To the point that my head is telling me dying would be a good way to get out of it.... Wish I could just go hide under a rock for the rest of the month.

[optimize990h]

Sorry you have experienced such a sleep disturbance.

Have you been in contact with a mental health professional?

Do you have a therapist or pdoc?

I hope you are on or will be on a plan of therapeutic treatment that will help you reach your goals and resolving your current situation in the most positive way. I am sorry you are suffering.

Is your current job situation stable enough to take leave time. This would be a good reason for a therapist to assist in such situations with you.

[penguinsing]

Can you take time off work ? Just avoid them this time, but at the same time going to a therapist.

Do you know why you are stress about working with those kids ?

I see a therapist and I saw him yesterday.

I can't really take leave. I had three weeks off at the start of the year. And I didn't get given the choice about working with the kids, it's just something I was told to do.

I don't know why. I just hate doing it. I don't know how to explain things, and I just feel awkward and stupid. And I feel uncomfortable around people I don't know anyway.

[penguinsing]

So it's not about because they are kids, but of people you don't know ?

Yeah I guess so. I just don't like anything thats unknown.

[allimsaying]

I always felt awkward around people because there is a certain warmth I felt I was expected to exude and I couldnt do that cause I was self focused on my speech, my mannerisms, my appearance, asking myself constantly if I looked like a dork, or walked like a dork, etc. It was painful experiencing those feelings so I closed myself off to avoid the experience.

At work and my social life I was put into situations like yours where I had to train somebody at work, or an unexpected person would show up at a social get together. It would cause me to become hyper self conscious and that was the pits. Id exhaust my brain with racing thoughts and I knew I just needed to get away, so I understand how that feels.

So the first day went ok. But I just felt terrible. By the time I got home I just wanted to cry. I really wanted to just hide in bed away from the world but I had already arranged to see a friend. So I was frustrated and upset and turned into a ***** to my poor bf who was just trying to make me feel better.

Later he assured me I'm not a burden, that I can tell him anything, he'd rather I told him how I feel and want to do than actually do anything.... He wants to support me through everything and just be there for me.

I wish that made a difference to how I feel.

[penguinsing]

May be things will get better as you work with the student more and get to know them more.
Also, they are not staying forever.

Hope it will help you feel better by thinking these ways.

I don't think that's even the problem now. It's really not that bad with the work experience. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it was just this thing and now its set me off on a downward spiral for not apparent reason. Thats what it feels like atm.