[ReddSN]

I feel like I am going insane. Nothing is working in my life right now. I can't get a job, struggling to provide for my family. Lots of pressure on my husband who was suicidal himself just last year. He's getting resentful and sick of me being like this. I'm sick of me being like this. I have no friends to turn to, no family that speaks to me. I had two friends that did talk to me. One couldn't take it anymore and left. the other sticks around, barely, but doesn't want to hear any sad talk from me. She now spends all her time with the friend that left, and I'm alone and feel so unimportant. I am so lonely. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't enjoy anything. I can't watch tv, or listen to music, or sleep. I am anxious all the time, I can't get my mind off the negative thoughts, I can't calm myself, I just want this to be over. I can't get into see a therapist for 12-16 weeks, and I'm terrified there will be nothing of me left by the time it happens. I've lost myself, i don't know where to find her, I don't have joy, just this constant anxiety and thoughts of oh god I don't know what to do, and like this post, I'm just running like this all the time, all the time, and I want to cry and I want to throw up and I want to turn it all off. I don't know what to do to feel better.

Have you thought about going in to talk to your general practitioner and get medicated
for anxiety until the time for you to have your appointment with a psychiatrist in 12-16
weeks? You need to be stabilized long before your appointment scheduled.

There really isn't a need for you to remain in the current condition for 12 to 16
weeks.

You are having what Dr. Kay Jamison Redfield calls the "Unquiet Mind", and it needs
attention now.

Please arrange to have an anti-anxiety medication and sleep prescription available to you through your personal physician as soon as you can. It will really help so much.

You need good, restful sleep, and you need it now, in my view.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by ReddSN

I've lost myself, i don't know where to find her, I don't have joy, just this constant anxiety and thoughts of oh god I don't know what to do...

Great description!

Sometimes I ponder how to channel all the energy in my anxiety into positive action. I've had no breakthrough. Sure, every once in a rare while I'll have 1) energy and 2) the ability to focus the energy, but those times apparently just happen without conscious preparation.

Please keep posting and reading, ReddSN.

[kaliope]

as rohag states positive action is a key. Abraham Lincoln once said "when I do bad, I feel bad. when I do good, I feel good." so the idea is to focus on things that make you feel good. I know that may be hard to find right now but there are things that you are good at that you feel good doing. it may be as simple as achieving a clean house and then taking pride in the fact that you have accomplished that. or go volunteer somewhere and then feel good that you have been of service to others. post something uplifting on other peoples threads. do something you are talented at. take a class. anything to make you feel good about yourself, no matter how small and then really emphasize with yourself the goodness you feel about yourself. fake it if you have to until you start feeling it. it starts with one good thing and builds.

[Hellion]

I feel like that a lot, right now I am taking prescriptions that kind of help...except one makes me more tired than I'd like and I already have a lack of energy. Also I am still too depressed to motivate myself to do much. What I usually do when meds and nothing else is really helping is try and wait it out but am ready to tell someone if I can't wait it out. Though I think the next time all that gets out of control i'll just go to the ER by bus or something so I don't get an ambulance bill I can't pay not that I can pay that bill either.

So yeah I would seek more professional help, or something if you can't wait till you're next therapy appointment...restful sleep is good to, though I know that is easier said than done when you're feeling lots of anxiety.

[ReddSN]

Thank you for all the kind words everyone. I need to do something, I checked my blood pressure at the drug store this evening and it was 142/107 - definitely not good.

Genetic - I was unable to see my GP, but did see a walk in doc who gave me a prescription for Lexapro. Just waiting for it to work I guess, although the last few days I feel worse than I have yet since I started it. I go at the end of the month to follow up with my GP.

As for doing things I like, I have a few things that I am good at, like I love doing theatre, but when I go do that I am also leaving my kids and hubby when they would rather have me home. So by doing something that could be positive I get guilt which makes it a negative.

I'm not so bad if I'm around people, it's a distraction I think. It's the afternoons especially when I am alone with myself that I get worked into a frenzy. Nothing to do but clean my house, which I hate doing and it doesn't occupy my mind. So I do something I hate while my mind runs. Ugh. I'm just really glad I have this place to come to, even if it is just to let off some steam.