[Ultra Darkness]

I don't know what to say. There just seems to be no worth in anything. I live day-to-day, nothing changing, living in the present because the past holds little meaning and the future little hope. I live in my own little world, with minimal contact with other people. I'm perfectly content to live this way. So why do I feel like I'm not living at all?

Rhetorical question. But I don't know what to do about it. I just want to feel alive, but I don't know how.

[ReddSN]

I wish I knew the answer. Sometimes I think I am almost afraid to feel alive. The nothingness is what I've known for so long, it's a comfort.

[doglover411]

I felt the same off-and-on since my teen years (I'm 50). At 35, the right antidepressant changed my life. I had to find the right doctor/diagnosis then the right medication...which took some time. But life IS worth it. I just wish I had known I was not "supposed" to feel empty and doomed much of the time so that I would have gotten help sooner. Good luck in finding peace. You are not alone.

[Vossie42]

I live in my own little world, too. It's really boring, but I don't have the anguish that can come with interacting with people.

I have similar feelings at times, Vossie. My faith and my spiritual life are really the
greatest source of comfort for me in this world. And it all started for me with the
reading of a llittle paperback called "Forgiving and Moving On" and then a follow-up with
Emmett Fox's "Around the Year With Emmet Fox".

Both books interested me in something that was greater than human life; that's
the strength that it gives me.

Take care of yourself.

[lynn P.]

I totally understand how you feel. My life situation leaves me feeling stuck and in a monotonous routine. Can't wait until I move on from this chapter in my life.

[healingme4me]

With little hope for the future, there's the sense that nothing will change and life just feels mundane and bleak.

When life gets like that, for me, I like to read books of daily affirmations, there's a slew of them out there.

Hang in there, hoping that hope comes you way

[Hellion]

I don't feel like I am really living either, but I am not content feeling like that.

[H3rmit]

Unfortunately, life and feeling alive is not always pleasant. Pushing your boundaries is likely to get you in contact with life. I had a horrible time much of las week with family, vehicle breakdowns, heat wave, bad sleep, bad food, dehydration, physical pain increasing. I sure felt good this week when I could get back into my routine and appreciate it. I did also learn stuff from the horrible week; I made real progress. It was NOT fun. I sure felt alive though. And now I get the payoff of also feeling good. Well, I would love it if this suggestion of mine is useful to someone, but that would only be the case if they went out and tried pushing their boundaries. A scary and not necessarily fun thing to do. Payoff require investments and often risks. That's life. My two bits.

I did find my life getting circumscribed when I tried to protect myself by rejecting everything that was painful. Common for depressive types. I don't really want friends; I like being a hermit. But friends are necessary for many reasons, such as personal development and learning to deal with the world. And you even find a few treasure people who are wonderful to know. I know a girl like that at school. At first I thought she was a twit. I was wrong.

[gracez]

Hi, I feel this way too, lots of us do I see. I feel deeply hopeless and on the verge of crisis most days, and not really alive. I've been toying with accepting this feeling instead of resisting it or degrading myself for that, too.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by gracez

I feel deeply hopeless and on the verge of crisis most days, and not really alive. I've been toying with accepting this feeling instead of resisting it or degrading myself for that, too.

I think that can be a good idea, gracez. Acceptance can lead to understanding and insight and progress. I guess the danger can be wallowing in it. The good thing is we have a mind that allows us to focus on discriminating between those, even if we may be wrong at times. I think it's worth a try. I often get a lot out of it. It seems like resisting bad feelings puts me in a fairly static tension with them. Going with them allows momentum to get through them, or something like that.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Unfortunately, life and feeling alive is not always pleasant. Pushing your boundaries is likely to get you in contact with life. I had a horrible time much of las week with family, vehicle breakdowns, heat wave, bad sleep, bad food, dehydration, physical pain increasing. I sure felt good this week when I could get back into my routine and appreciate it. I did also learn stuff from the horrible week; I made real progress. It was NOT fun. I sure felt alive though. And now I get the payoff of also feeling good. Well, I would love it if this suggestion of mine is useful to someone, but that would only be the case if they went out and tried pushing their boundaries. A scary and not necessarily fun thing to do. Payoff require investments and often risks. That's life. My two bits.

Hmm I don't expect everything to be fun even having fun isn't fun for me since I can't really feel much positive emotion...though I know if I push my boundaries too much that usually causes more problems for me than any progress in life......guess I spent too much time pushing myself too hard in the past.

[Vossie42]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Hmm I don't expect everything to be fun even having fun isn't fun for me since I can't really feel much positive emotion..."
"though I know if I push my boundaries too much that usually causes more problems for me than any progress in life......guess I spent too much time pushing myself too hard in the past.

"

I hear ya there. I went kayaking for three hours with a friend the other day, something I really like to do. But this time I was like "meh".

If you don't push, you don't know where your boundaries are and you run the risk of missing out on positive experiences due to not pushing your boundaries. On the flip side, pushing too much takes awhile to recover from. Like overdoing it with the gym workout, lol.

[Muppy]

Originally Posted by ReddSN

I wish I knew the answer. Sometimes I think I am almost afraid to feel alive. The nothingness is what I've known for so long, it's a comfort.

I don't know if it's actually a comfort or if it's what we know. To change, to feel, to do.....well that's the unknown for a lot of us.

[Elektra_]

if ur writting about it clearly u arent content with it. if u dont like how ur life is going try to write some goals for u and how to achieve them. tc

p.s.: i feel the same way

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Vossie42

"

I hear ya there. I went kayaking for three hours with a friend the other day, something I really like to do. But this time I was like "meh".

If you don't push, you don't know where your boundaries are and you run the risk of missing out on positive experiences due to not pushing your boundaries. On the flip side, pushing too much takes awhile to recover from. Like overdoing it with the gym workout, lol.

I have, and I have pushed myself too far way too many times, so I know my limits...a positive experiance doesn't turn out so positive if I can't feel any enjoyment of it. Not sure that makes sense but usually I just get more depressed when I try to 'enjoy' even a positive event if I am not up for it.

For example my mom wants me to go with her and a couple other family members on a long drive to a hot springs pool and spend the night twice to go swimming...I like it there a lot in the winter when there's less tourists but this time of year its going to be way crowded so I don't want to go and I know I'll just be miserable trying to act like I'm having fun and be beyond exhausted when I get back.

I need to give the pushing my boundaries a break.

[Vossie42]

Originally Posted by Hellion

I need to give the pushing my boundaries a break.

Amen to that! It does make sense that doing something that usually makes you feel good actually makes you feel worse. When I do that, it's because I've failed to meet my expectations of enjoying the event. Feeling like a failure is a sure way to bring me down. Sigh. Sometimes ya just need to recharge.