[NameUser]

I've been in a marriage to a wonderful man for 5 years. He is religious and takes such good care of me. He really loves me.

I have two daughters 20 and 26 that live a four hour drive away from my husband and I. Twenty year old has been living crazily. She was caught shoplifting and is on probation. I caught her taking some of my pain medication. She is still shoplifting and I think possibly drugs. I wanted to help her. My husband and I offered for her to come live with us and we would help her get her live straightened out. She reluctantly agreed because her older sister was kicking her out for not paying rent or bills and having a really bad attitude. One of the other main reasons she agreed was that she had recently lost her front tooth and was too ashamed to leave the house. We planned to fix it when she moved in with us. We get to our city and the next day she accuses my husband of trying to rape her. I would have never believed my husband would do such a thing but the words and reaction coming from her made me believe her. I blew up at him and we left driving back to her city.

I have been devastated, destroyed and thoughts of suicide are very close at all times.

My daughter seems as chipper as she ever was. I think she is taking some kind of drugs. She talks 90 mph and sleeps very little. She does drink red bull but I don't think that much. We have plans to have her tooth fixed here on Monday. She is actually going out some now without the tooth. I don't know where she is.

My husband wants to drive here tomorrow to talk to me. He said when he talks to me, I will be happy. That's all he will say for now.

I asked my older daughter if she thinks it is possible her younger sister lied about what happened. She said no that the younger has discussed it with her and gotten upset.

There was a previous situation where she was living 4 hours from me and 4 hours from her older sister (a third city) with her father. This was when she was 16 years old. She called to say her father had gotten into the bed with her when she was asleep and was playing footsie. Since there had been an incident with the older daughter and her step father when she was just 8 years old where he touched her inappropriately "in his sleep" (we did contact the police and did an investigation), we told the younger one you have to get out of there. First she demanded she wanted to go live with her best friend (she had friends there and a boyfriend I think). I told her no way she could not live with her friend and she had to come live with me or her sister. She decided to go live with her sister. I didn't see them much because of distance and they told me they were too busy. Meanwhile I worried so much about the both of them but they were apparently having a good time.

Younger one was always a sweet girl, I don't know what happened. Her father was an asshole. I don't know what to believe. I do know that if I stay here with my daughter who is doing God knows what, I will end up dead. My husband has been the only one keeping me alive for the last five years after a 6 year long major depressive episode. I have been hospitalized 3 times in that 6 years.

I can only ask myself if it is possible she lied about the whole thing just to come back to the city she wants to live in. Now she thinks she has me and I will pay bills and she will have it made. I don't even know if I can make it another week I am that depressed.

Please advice, I need objective opinions.

[H3rmit]

>I can only ask myself if it is possible she lied about the whole thing just to come back to the city she wants to live in. Now she thinks she has me and I will pay bills and she will have it made. I don't even know if I can make it another week I am that depressed.

Of course it's possible. If she is disordered or using drugs or both, her motivations and even self-interpretations are suspect. It's even possible she convinced herself something is true that is not.

Your daughter is an adult. You need to put yourself first, let her make her own learning experiences, and give her what you wish to only on top of that. Priorities.

Get yourself some professional help.

Believe your daughter ... Even if it turns out to be false later on.

Better to believe her and it turn out to not be true than to not believe her and it turn out to be true.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, that's about as objective as I can be.

Oh, and don't kill yourself ... That would just plain suck ... !!!

[Jannaku]

Anything is possible especially with the history and situation that you have provided. Wait to see what your husband is going to say - your questions and concerns may well be answered. In the meantime don't beat yourself up over it. Either way this is a challenging situation and you need to remain strong. Take care x

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

>I can only ask myself if it is possible she lied about the whole thing just to come back to the city she wants to live in. Now she thinks she has me and I will pay bills and she will have it made. I don't even know if I can make it another week I am that depressed.

Of course it's possible. If she is disordered or using drugs or both, her motivations and even self-interpretations are suspect. It's even possible she convinced herself something is true that is not.

Your daughter is an adult. You need to put yourself first, let her make her own learning experiences, and give her what you wish to only on top of that. Priorities.

I agree - she might have convinced herself. Plus, there are ulterior motives - she is trying to have you pay her bills. Of course she very well might have lied. Plus, you know your husband well - give him some benefit of the doubt. At any rate, she is an adult - if she thinks he tried to rape her, let her report him to the police. If she does not want to report him to the police - case closed.

[NameUser]

Now more and more as I watch my daughter I think she is either on drugs or manic.

I don't know what to do.

[hamster-bamster]

She might be manic and on drugs - both.

I think the most important thing now is to assure the husband that you realize that she might have been lying.

Get her some professional help too.

Can't express strongly enough how important this is for the both of y'all.

Sincerely ...

[AV747]

Your daughter has trauma, she probably never feels secure ,never feels understanding. The fact that she lied to nearly 100 %, but I'm sure she just attracts attention, your daughter did it not with evil. She needs professional help. Talk with your husband sincerely, I think he loves you if already 5 years helps you deal with depression. Not every partner will be near in such times. Be happy!