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#1
Jul 13, 2013, 04:41 PM
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I just got back from a 3 week vacation to Germany, Italy, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. It was both incredible and disastrous. I am a 16 year old female from the USA. I went alone with my bio sister(18) to visit my former exchange students that lived with us.
I was only ever a drinker on special occasions in the US, like holidays and vacations. And even then it was only a one time thing and in extreme moderation. But when I went to Europe, I figured a little alcohol wouldn't hurt. But a little quickly turned into a lot until I was pretty trashed some nights. I never really noticed the effects until like a week after I started. That was when I started having horrible suicidal mood swings, relapsed pulling my hair out, and was walking on eggshells emotionally. It was in Switzerland when I was at a party with my bio sister, host sister, and her boyfriend. My bio sister told me I couldn't drink anymore and I got really mad and it turned into a huge verbal fight where she went on proceeding to tell everyone I was on medication. I was already impaired by the alcohol and its effects, so I ran up some mountain in the dark not too far from the party, sat on the side of the road, and cried. About half an hour of being miserable later, I realized I had my medications with me. So I took a strong cocktail of about 50 of them, and laid down. At that time I didn't want to die, but at the same time I didn't really care if I did. Minutes passed and it started getting scary. I was shaking very hard, my face was getting really hot and dizzy, and my heart was racing as I was having trouble breathing but I couldn't do anything but lay there and let it happen. A while later, when I was slipping in and out of consciousness, my host sisters boyfriend found me and I was dragged to a small nearby hospital where they made me throw it up. Then they said they needed me to be transferred to a larger hospital ICU, so they took me and after they did a lot of testing and monitoring, they finally let me sleep in a normal room after maybe 2 AM. Life moved on and I tried my best to get over it, but then my mom started sending me degrading messages on FB. Saying I just did it for attention and I should be ashamed of myself and what not. I felt like trash. All alone in a foreign country with so many people pissed at you, I really just wanted to escape it all. So I went to the upstairs bathroom and cut myself up. It soon became the worst night of my life. Now everyone is even more pissed at me, and I feel so alone. Not suicidal anymore, but really upset and remorseful. I'm grounded and I don't know what I should do to cope... I feel like I'm seeking attention like my mom said if I talk to anyone and feel like I'm disappointing them which may be a lot of thinking errors but still... I was doing so well, too... 
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 herethennow, Starla Dear, ThisWayOut, Vossie42
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#2
Jul 13, 2013, 05:24 PM
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Maybe the stress of being abroad and without proper support was more than you could bear. I did a semester abroad in Spain and let me tell you, it was hell not having people who understood and supported my issues. Do you have a T or support group you see?
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 icaniwillchange
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#3
Jul 13, 2013, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
 I have 2 T's and a p-doc, starting a support group maybe in August. Some of which aren't very happy with me either... One of my T's is quite strict, we have a home contract and everything which I've broken so yay punishment... |
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#4
Jul 13, 2013, 06:28 PM
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Yikes! I couldn't deal with a T who acts like a strict parent but that's just me. My attitude is different as are my issues. Maybe if you explain what you were feeling so that he/she knows it wasn't just a way of drawing attention to yourself?
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| icaniwillchange
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#5
Jul 14, 2013, 05:25 PM
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Yikes! You needed compassion and support, not punishment and public humiliation from your family! Shame on them, not you.
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| icaniwillchange
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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