[tangledupinblue]

Yeah so i've had a pretty cruddy day.

It all started last night when i made the mistake of telling my mom that i was thinking of going out today to see about picking up some job applications. Well, she goes and tells dad, he's all happy about it for some reason, comes and mentions it to me; I say I was thinking about it but I checked the forecast and saw it was gonna rain/storm (i don't drive so i walk everywhere) so i probably wouldn't till tuesday. He doesn't like that and tries to talk me into letting him drive me around but i turn him down cuz it's hard to think about your options when you're driving past them at 30 mph...

Later, before i turned in for the night, he tried to talk me into it again with mom even joining in this time. I tried to turn him down again but they keep pushing and say they'll maybe take me out to lunch and everything and the they accuse that i'll just keep putting it off if i don't go out tommorrow(i only first brought it up a few hours ago!! And how am i supposed to walk around in a storm?).
Eventually i did come around to their idea and agreed to it; we set a time to leave and everything. I kinda hung around talking and stuff and i start to try to share some if the struggles and stress i've been under but dad totally blows me off and just gives me this horrible look and snips/yells "WELL YOU'RE GNNA HAVE TO GET A JOB!!" and it totally freaks me out and basically reduces me to little kid and i actually start crying; all cuz i was just trying to share.

So they both deny that he yelled and/or is pissed at me and it elevates into a teary-snotty arguing match and we end up talking waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay into the night; we did make peace but it was pretty draining for all parties involved.

Next morning, I'm not sure whether or not we're still making our trip to town with no one getting much sleep and all, but i got up on time anyway and showered and actually put on socks/shoes () so i'd at least be prepared. Well, i end up waiting and waiting around and he doesn't get ready to go and i eventually go upstairs to see what they're up to and they're awake but not doing much. But yet, they don't say the plans fell through so i thought everything was still on and i wasn't gonna be a pest and bug 'em about it. So i go back to my room and wait around some more, totally bored and depressed and my eyes hurt so i couldn't use my computer etc and so I just lay on my bed in despair and ended up falling asleep.

I sleep for and hour and a half, wake up and realize our time slot is gone and nobody saw fit to tell me they called it off. So, pissed and still depressed, i go back to sleep.

When i get up finally, i go upstairs and find dad's at the store so i ask mom what happened and sure enough it had to do with no one getting much sleep--but she pins it all on ME saying I should have came to them! What?! It was their plans, they're the ones running the show, and they're the ones who taught me since i was a kid to not pester them, and it's all MY fault?? Would it have been so hard to just open their mouth and say we weren't going?? They could have EMAILED me for crying out loud if they din't want to get out of bed.

When dad gets home i don't say anything but mom tells him and he comes downstairs looking pissy, but tries to smooth it all over like it was no big deal so i say ok but inside i'm like "it may be no big deal to you but you didn't waste an entire day waiting on sombody!"

So anyway, i'm feeling real down today and all this stuff having gone on just makes it worse. I'm real stressed/worried/scared about my job situation; i don't know when or if i'll find one and don't know what i'm gonna end up with and that scares the **** out of me cuz my last job was horrifying to the ∞th degree. I'm ultra depressed and can't find a reason why life is worth living anymore. My life has gone poorly so far and i don't know why it'd ever get better. I don't have anything to live for. Even if i find a job, I don't got a reason to press on with it cuz i don't care about the money, have no goals/dreams, and would be happy just starving in a ditch by the side of the road. There's nothing for me in this world anymore and if the death came for me today, well i'd be fine with that.

Plus, dad said he was gonna grill burgers tonight (yay) and thats why he went to the store, but he comes home with lazy hamburger helper instead (whyyyyyy). Good way to cap off the day.

Well anyway, it's been rough and i just wanted to share.
Thanks.

[cakeladie]

Hi there,

Can you fill out applications online? I know you are depressed but staying in the house all day is only going to make it worse. If you live where it is raining then make plans a couple of days in advance for them to take you to fill out applications. Set a time and a date that you all agree upon.

Next think about a job that would make you happy. That is part of the key to happiness. You have to have a job you like somewhat or you will never be happy.

Good luck and I hope you find a job soon.