[Starla Dear]

This story needs a bit of a preface. My boyfriend’s brother is a firefighter, but often he is a first responder to medical calls. Last week he tended to a woman who tried to kill herself. This weekend I was at a family get-together and his father was there. The father brought up the woman’s incident and said about suicide, “I feel bad when it’s a child, but not for an adult. That’s just stupid.” He said it like he thinks suicidal people deserve to die. Like they’re unworthy of life.

I immediately became so furious—it felt like my scalp was on fire. I thought about not saying anything, but a couple seconds later I said, “I can’t believe you said that. That really offends me.”

But that’s all I said. Since then, I’ve been replaying the scene in my head and feeling so ashamed that I didn’t say more. When I replay it, I change it so I say to him, “I’m depressed. I think about killing myself nearly every day. Do you think I’m stupid and I don’t deserve to live?”

Should I drag this back out and say something else to him? He knows I have anxiety, but I don’t think he knows about the depression. Have you been in a similar situation, and what did you do?

[pegasus]

Ignorance. If I were you I would play it cool and maybe get some information off the internet about mental health, print it out and give it to him.

Hugs

[herethennow]

I guess all he needs is some education about mental health. No point firing back at him, it'll all go to the drain as in that state no words will register.

[bharani1008]

Unfortunately some people are just narrow minded. You did speak up and that was good but it may have become ugly if you shamed him in public. If it comes naturally and you get the opportunity you might ask him why he thinks it is stupid to want to die. Leave it an open question and if he seems open to it give a little information. Explain a little of how depression is a disease and how it can sometimes be inherited. If he doesn't believe in science you just have to let it go.
I think you can let it go. You didn't do anything wrong.

[doyoutrustme]

I think what you didn't say was spoken even though it was unspoken. If you are offended by it, then you have a personal reason to be offended, (one would think).

[Yoda]

Sometimes people in EMS see trauma and all sorts of morbid things that they have to distance themselves emotionally. As a former paramedic and a RN I saw suicides both attempted and successful and mutilated bodies and I had to keep my emotions in check. If I cared too much I couldn't do my job.

[Poppy Princess]

I think this is a completely different thing, Yoda.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

I think this is a completely different thing, Yoda.

Could be. I don't really know the situation.

[Nessa213]

My husband is a paramedic, he says things like this ALL the time about psych patients.

In the city I live there's this one bridge that is (was) notorious for people jumping off of. So much so, they put up "suicide fences" to prevent it. Ironically, at the one end of this bridge is the local psych hospital. Also ironically, not a half mile across the valley is another bridge (on a very busy highway) with NO suicide fences.

Last week some man tried to climb up the suicide fenced wall and failed. And instead walked into the ER of the hospital. My husband is telling me this story and I say "awww poor guy, I'm sure that's a better place for him".

To which HE says "god if it were ME in the ER that day I would have just told him to go to the other bridge".

I say with no pause "yes, as someone who's actually thought about this... THIS is how I'd actually do it" and go on to explain how I've actually thought this all through.

He was shocked and immediately felt bad. I said, "hey, you want to knock it, let's talk about it, funny man". I tend to get very defensive of the psych patient's he's always making fun of so much.

I found that the tactic of comparing it to mine own life very helpful with him understanding it. But... at the same time... I really doubt he'll stop making fun of it.

[lynn P.]

That's an insensitive thing to say and understand how this would bother you and many others.